A Bar is No Place for Drunks!!!

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In a bit of brilliant detective work, undercover agents in the state of Texas will begin infiltrating taverns and clubs to arrest individuals for being intoxicated. The announcement came this past Wednesday from the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission.

The first of these undercover operations was conducted recently in a Dallas suburb where agents arrested 30 individuals for public intoxication in a “sweep” of 36 bars, according to the commission’s Carolyn Beck.

When pressed to explain the reasoning for arresting people while still in the bar, Ms. Beck explained: “Being in a bar does not exempt one from the state laws against public drunkenness. The goal,” she said, “was to detain drunks before they leave a bar and go do something dangerous like drive a car.”

When asked about those who are responsible and have either designated a driver or planned to use a taxi or other public transportation, Beck responded:

“There are a lot of dangerous and stupid things people do when they’re intoxicated, other than get behind the wheel of a car, people walk out into traffic and get run over, people jump off of balconies trying to reach a swimming pool and miss.”

She was please at the early success of the program and stated that these “sting” operations would continue statewide.

We at S2ki applaud the ingenuity of these Texas law enforcement officials but feel they didn’t go far enough. The key to preventing alcohol related crime is to arrest these criminals before they get drunk!!

For example:

An angry guy storms into a bar and orders a double… It’s obvious he’s not going to stop at one, why not arrest him now, before he can get drunk and belligerent? Not only that, but think of the added safety and convenience for the arresting officers. Drunken guys frequently upchuck in the back seat of police cars. This is not only unpleasant for the officers involved, but the time it takes to clean and deodorize the official vehicle is that much less time those officers can be out on the street looking for Osama and his buddies!

It’s even worse if the drunks make it into the holding cell before they spew, then not only do you have a sanitary issue correction officers will have to deal with, (taking away from their valuable time interrogating the various suspected Al Queda operatives brought in that day), but you’ve also provided a very potent form of ammunition for the other inmates to show their disdain for these hardworking correctional officers.

That guy standing in line at the supermarket with a 1.75 liter bottle of Smirnoff, a quart of OJ, and six frozen dinners… he’s obviously not planning to entertain, he’s going to drink that bottle… and fast! Sure he’ll probably be in his home at the time, but what if he goes outside to get the mail or take out the garbage? PUBLIC DRUNKEDNESS!!! Another crime averted!

This has been yet another friendly public service provided by the concerned staff here at S2ki. We hope these suggestions will be helpful to the Texas authorities and encourage other states to similarly act. (Except of course the states we live in…)

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