F1 Grand Prix of Canada Preview: Driving Tips for Out-of-Town Visitors
06-12-2003, 05:25 AM
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Driving Tips for Out-of-Town Visitors
JACK TODD
The Gazette
Thursday, June 12, 2003
It is Grand Prix week in Montreal, so it is time for our annual tourist guide to the unique joys of driving in this city.
If you have been behind the wheel or in one of our taxis, perhaps you have already experienced the need to get out of the car and kiss the ground when you reach your destination. If you haven't, our little driving guide will help you to understand what to expect.
Remember that we draw our inspiration from the one and only Jacques Villeneuve, who set an example for all to follow when he drove into the fleur-de-lis at a high rate of speed. Inspired by our hero, we in Quebec have developed a distinct driving style that is variously characterized as "kamikaze," "suicidal," or "omigod look out Edna that guy is driving the wrong way on a one-way street!"
Scientific studies have shown that the only experience that provides more thrills per minute than driving the Ville Marie Expressway on a Friday evening is skinny-dipping in a piranha tank. Thus you will want to be fully prepared in order to derive the maximum enjoyment from your driving experience in Quebec.
By following a few simple rules, you will soon adapt to our "distinct" driving habits and you too will be dodging potholes, speeding through crosswalks and ignoring that pesky turn signal just like a native.
This year promises to be special even for those accustomed to the joys of driving in this province because we now have (wheeeeee!) right turn on red. There is still some confusion on this point, which we will sort out in this special section:
Right turn on red: Please note there is NO right turn on red on the Island of Montreal between the hours of 10:17 a.m. and 10:16 a.m. every day of the week except Tuesday, when there is NO right turn on red between the hours of 3:26 p.m. and 3:25 p.m.
Off the island, you may execute a right turn on red only if there is no sign above the traffic light indicating "no right turn on red." Of course there are no such traffic lights, so the best approach is to remember that on the South Shore you can turn right on red any time Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday and between the hours of 6:49 a.m. and 8:36 p.m., while on the West Island you may turn right on red between 4:57 a.m. and 7:42 p.m. Mondays, Wednesdays and Sundays except holidays, when right turns are permitted between 1:14 a.m. and 10:33 p.m. everywhere except in Beaconsfield.
In Drummondville, of course, we have the always exciting "Left Turn on Red" 24/7.
Executing a right turn on red: This manoeuvre is similar to an ordinary right turn except that the light is red. First get your car into the extreme left lane, even if this means cutting across several lanes of traffic without looking. Now engage your "LEFT" turn flasher. Wait until the light is about to turn green, then CUT across all the other traffic to make your right turn.
What to do when certain "numbskulls" fail to understand these simple rules for right turns on red: Given the extreme simplicity of the rules it's hard to understand how anyone could get confused, but should you find yourself behind a "knucklehead" who refuses to turn right on red even though you are leaning on your horn, execute one of the following three manoeuvres:
1) Swerve out to the left into the oncoming traffic, then turn right in front of the annoying driver. Be sure to flip him the "bird" as you do so.
2) Swerve onto the sidewalk. Especially effective when there are numerous "pedestrians," also known as targets.
3) Swerve onto the lawn of the house on your right. If the sprinkler is on, pause for a free car wash.
Speed-limit signs: Use the same simple method you would use to translate Celsius temperatures into Fahrenheit - double the posted limit and add 30. Thus the sign that says "70" actually means "170" km/h.
One-way street: Convenient arrows point in the suggested direction. But if you are pressed for time and don't want to go around the block, simply speed the other way while leaning on your horn and using both hands to flip the bird to other drivers who imagine they are going in the right direction.
Turn signals: A sign of weakness. Use only for misdirection (see Right Turn on Red above).
Tailgating: If your bumpers aren't actually touching, you're not close enough.
Road signs: True, road signs here can be confusing for visitors, especially because they're all in French. But if you find yourself in difficulty, simply follow the signs that say: "Quand les feux clignotent le tunnel est barr
JACK TODD
The Gazette
Thursday, June 12, 2003
It is Grand Prix week in Montreal, so it is time for our annual tourist guide to the unique joys of driving in this city.
If you have been behind the wheel or in one of our taxis, perhaps you have already experienced the need to get out of the car and kiss the ground when you reach your destination. If you haven't, our little driving guide will help you to understand what to expect.
Remember that we draw our inspiration from the one and only Jacques Villeneuve, who set an example for all to follow when he drove into the fleur-de-lis at a high rate of speed. Inspired by our hero, we in Quebec have developed a distinct driving style that is variously characterized as "kamikaze," "suicidal," or "omigod look out Edna that guy is driving the wrong way on a one-way street!"
Scientific studies have shown that the only experience that provides more thrills per minute than driving the Ville Marie Expressway on a Friday evening is skinny-dipping in a piranha tank. Thus you will want to be fully prepared in order to derive the maximum enjoyment from your driving experience in Quebec.
By following a few simple rules, you will soon adapt to our "distinct" driving habits and you too will be dodging potholes, speeding through crosswalks and ignoring that pesky turn signal just like a native.
This year promises to be special even for those accustomed to the joys of driving in this province because we now have (wheeeeee!) right turn on red. There is still some confusion on this point, which we will sort out in this special section:
Right turn on red: Please note there is NO right turn on red on the Island of Montreal between the hours of 10:17 a.m. and 10:16 a.m. every day of the week except Tuesday, when there is NO right turn on red between the hours of 3:26 p.m. and 3:25 p.m.
Off the island, you may execute a right turn on red only if there is no sign above the traffic light indicating "no right turn on red." Of course there are no such traffic lights, so the best approach is to remember that on the South Shore you can turn right on red any time Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday and between the hours of 6:49 a.m. and 8:36 p.m., while on the West Island you may turn right on red between 4:57 a.m. and 7:42 p.m. Mondays, Wednesdays and Sundays except holidays, when right turns are permitted between 1:14 a.m. and 10:33 p.m. everywhere except in Beaconsfield.
In Drummondville, of course, we have the always exciting "Left Turn on Red" 24/7.
Executing a right turn on red: This manoeuvre is similar to an ordinary right turn except that the light is red. First get your car into the extreme left lane, even if this means cutting across several lanes of traffic without looking. Now engage your "LEFT" turn flasher. Wait until the light is about to turn green, then CUT across all the other traffic to make your right turn.
What to do when certain "numbskulls" fail to understand these simple rules for right turns on red: Given the extreme simplicity of the rules it's hard to understand how anyone could get confused, but should you find yourself behind a "knucklehead" who refuses to turn right on red even though you are leaning on your horn, execute one of the following three manoeuvres:
1) Swerve out to the left into the oncoming traffic, then turn right in front of the annoying driver. Be sure to flip him the "bird" as you do so.
2) Swerve onto the sidewalk. Especially effective when there are numerous "pedestrians," also known as targets.
3) Swerve onto the lawn of the house on your right. If the sprinkler is on, pause for a free car wash.
Speed-limit signs: Use the same simple method you would use to translate Celsius temperatures into Fahrenheit - double the posted limit and add 30. Thus the sign that says "70" actually means "170" km/h.
One-way street: Convenient arrows point in the suggested direction. But if you are pressed for time and don't want to go around the block, simply speed the other way while leaning on your horn and using both hands to flip the bird to other drivers who imagine they are going in the right direction.
Turn signals: A sign of weakness. Use only for misdirection (see Right Turn on Red above).
Tailgating: If your bumpers aren't actually touching, you're not close enough.
Road signs: True, road signs here can be confusing for visitors, especially because they're all in French. But if you find yourself in difficulty, simply follow the signs that say: "Quand les feux clignotent le tunnel est barr
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