Since driving conditions and culture are unique in Los Angeles, you may
not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has
now issued a special driver's test solely for L.A.

GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:

Name:_______________________

Stage Name:__________________

Agent:________________________

Attorney:_______________________

Sex: ___Male ___Female ___Formerly male ___Formerly Female ___Both

If Female, indicate breast implant size:_______

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a
motor vehicle? ___No ___Yes

Please list brand of cell phone: ______________________

If you don't own a cell phone, please explain: _________________________

Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that
apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying makeup
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for your convenience)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ]Surfing the net via laptop

Please indicate how many times
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) you expect to be shot at while driving ______

If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately
a) Call the police to report the crime
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch you care on the
news in a high speed chase
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company
for 911 call not going through
d) Call your therapist
e) None of the above (South Central residents only)

In the event of an earthquake, you should
a) Stop your car
b) Keep driving and hope for the best
c) Immediately use your cell phone to call everyone you know
d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4

In the event of rain, you should
a) Never drive over 5 MPH
b) Drive twice as fast as usual
c) You're not sure what "rain" is

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
[ ] Prozac
[ ] Zovirax
[ ] Lithium
[ ] Zanax
[ ] Valium
[ ] Zoloft
If none, please explain _______________________________

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week _______

Length of daily commute
[ ] 1 hour
[ ] 2 hours
[ ] 3 hours
[ ] 4 hours or more

If stopped by police, you should
[ ] Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
[ ] Try to outrun them and the news helicopters
[ ] Have your video camera ready, provoke an attack, and thus ensure yourself a
hefty lawsuit