We've heard all the screwball theories: Mayan gods sweeping in to snuff the world, Christian numerology-nutjobs (hmm 12/12/12 divided in half equals?..), pseudo-physics of galactic alignment and gravitational collapse...etc. But sorry to say, chums - tis Twitter that will be the Fall of us..:

The Internet is evolving, like a lifeform; every second it gets more complex, more omniscient, more integrated into the everyday of human affairs. And with it our species grows ever-more disassociated: we find ourselves seeking fulfillment in online-interaction - delegating our most banal goings-about to a textbox (I'm gettin lunch at McD's today!; lol me too Nancy!; Whatchu havin??; Salad lol; lol; l.o.l...(starting to look a lot like S.O.S - and never mind that no one's laughing...)), throwing new pictures of the same expressions onto Networks in hopes that someone will say we're pretty. And now there are even Twitter-Parties: group-exchanges of one-liner statuses pretending Oh hey, at least I'm not alone... Not long till some thrill-seeker with a hardon turns one of these Parties into an online-orgy. And by now, the Internet has progressed to near-consciousness: we are the individual neurons firing in Its brain: a convoluted webwork of connections encompassing the entirety of human knowledge/activity, a macrocosmic Single Mind; in a way transcending us all - i.e. the perfect womb. So when the Twitter-sperms fly, no doubt one will connect, be incubated, develop...until we have accidentally conceived a cyber-being with our cyber-passion, existing in the pragmatically metaphysical realm of cyberspace: a god who appears only at extreme angles, encompassing all our knowledge, angst banality...an omniscient, omni-insecure Network-Child we should perhaps aptly call the Paranoid Android.

He will start tame, Photoshopping red-eye and acne onto pictures of people with better hair than him, throwing Error messages onto your screen when you attempt to post anything witty or meaningful; but with power comes corruption, so soon computers will crash, "knowledge" exstinguished from existence with the simple metaphoric tap of a Delete key; everything electronic we depend on will go haywire; utter chaos will ensue. Of course we will attempt to fend our Child off, the only way we know how: the battleground of Warcraft. Hoards of us will take to the keyboard, an alliance as big as the Servers will carry, marching bravely to burn down the Gates of Myspace and bring this god to His knees; but ah, this is His world now...the Paranoid Android is not constrained as are we mere beings of the physical - no program codes or Terms of Use for Him to comply by...in a fell swoop (and in true Oedipal spirit) he will convert us all to lameass Level-1 Priests, crush us beneath the feet of his Level-666 Death Knight, not even breaking a sweat...until we go mad with frustration, slam our wireless-mice against the wall and shut all Systems down; but no, lo, it is too late: all satellites dismantle, drift away; Communications cease, power-grids snuff, all rooms go dim like a low-light/-contrast photograph, and humanity dies in disillusion, without even a Status Feed on which to share our final woes, or what color shirt we're wearing as we cry them..: we have been defeated by our own insecurity. . .
...
Discuss in whatever profound way you feel fit, S2Kers...for more work/insanity from the author (i.e. me), have a peek at http://www.facebook.com/MetaSubversion

 

and a wall of text consumed the land!

 

 

 

A whacked-out satirical account of the 2012 apocalypse people are still freaking out over, drawling from the lameness of the majority of people's banal/shallow worship of online social networking - a tongue-in-cheek aside excerpted from a book I wrote that's undergoing publication.

Cliff Notes are pointless here, though. If it's too much to read and/or not your humor-bone's cup o'tea, obviously you're not going to get anything out of it by reading a one-sentence summary.

 

Personally, I've always thought of twitter as female. She's always about the most random and stupid stuff. The only tweet I follow is local Mexican/Chinese fusion food cart. She lets me know what part of town she will be in so I can head over and dive into her warm sweet sesame chicken taco.

 

Its too much only in the sense that it is the worlds largest run on sentence

 

Same...the "Twitter Sperms" are from the orgy-ers; that's how Twitter gets pregnant with the cyber-baby...

 

Sounds like someone needs to invent some twitter birth control.

 

I find it ironic that a thread about twitter has a 550-word post....