Title says it all. I'll start

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Got this in my email today:

> > A man and his wife were having an argument about
> >
> > who should brew the coffee each morning.
> >
> >
> >
> > The wife said, "You should do it, because you
> >
> > get up first, and then we don't have to wait as
> >
> > long to get our coffee."
> >
> >
> >
> > The husband said, "You are in charge of the
> >
> > cooking around here and you should do it,
> >
> > because that is your job and I can just wait for
> >
> > my coffee."
> >
> >
> >
> > The wife replies, "No you should do it, and
> >
> > besides it is in the Bible that the man should
> >
> > make the coffee."
> >
> >
> >
> > The husband replies, "I can't believe that, show
> >
> > me."
> >
> >
> >
> > So she got the Bible and opened it to the New
> >
> > Testament and showed him at the top of several
> >
> > pages, that indeed it says..
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ............ "HEBREWS"
> >

 

A man, married to a very rich woman is asked by his wife, "honey, do you love me just because I inherited millions from my father?"

Husband replies, "Dear God, absolutely not! I'd love you no matter who you inherited the money from."

 

two men walk in to a bar
one man says to the other "you didn't see that either?"

 

Where is my avatar?

 

Man comes home to his wife who suspected he was having an affair....

Wife: Did you have an affair?

Husband: I cannot lie to you, yes I did. But, I was thinking of you the whole time!

Wife: Really? You missed me, huh?

Husband: No, I was just trying to keep from getting off too fast.

 

Two old men are sitting on a park bench, reminiscing, when a rottweiler sits down nearby and starts licking it's balls.

"All my life I've wished I could do that," the first old man says.

"You better pet him first, he looks mean as hell."

-- Billy Crystal

 

The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey asked me to announce that he'll be landing this big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed, rather exotic-looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the gay flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the damned tray up!"

 

A guy is in an elevator with a fat lady. He turns to her and says "Can I smell your vagina?" She replies "No you can not" He says "Then it must be your feet!"

 

what's brown and sticky?


a stick

 

2 chinese men walk into a bar, 2 weeks later they own it