i just got this email and i thought i'd share it with you. the book does actually exist you can find it here http://www.amazon.com/Disorder-Court-Fract...m/dp/0393319288


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
_____________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

 

 

 

Funny stuff Mike!!

Are you coming over tonight?

 

 

no sorry man. i have a presenation, a test, and a paper due tommorrow and i have not started on any of them yet

 

I'm sure Jeff has experienced some of that.
I was on jury duty last year and some of the questioning went along these lines:

What is your ocupation?
Holyoke police detective.
How long have you been in a detective?
18 years.
On September first last year, were you employed as a Holyoke detective?
Yes.

Much less exciting than anything you see on Law & Order or Perry Maon (way back when.)

 

 

I had the worst experience on the stand the other day. This assistant DA has apparently just graduated from law school and never tried a case before. She asked me all the wrong questions and several of them more than once. It was actually painful to watch her stumble through it. It took so long that the judge continued the case to next week before we could finish.

I was up there for about an hour, and I haven't even been cross examined yet.

 

It is funny to watch the average lawyer in court.
They are just so far from the Law and order level and much closer to night court.

Years ago I had to testify when I was working for the college police dept.
After stating " The arresting officer read him his miranda rights", the defense attorney jumped up and objected that I wasn't qualified to make that statement.

I just turned to the judge before anybody had a chance to say anything and said ' Excuse me your honor but, you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.You have the right to an attorney to be present during questioning. if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you."

"Overruled"

I mean in this day and age how can anybody who has a TV not know the miranda rights?