For all you chemistry people out there

The following is supposed to be an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry midterm. The answer by one student was so "profound"
that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is of
course why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas
cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some
variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will
not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion you will go to Hell. Since there
are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and
death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my
Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with
you." and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and will not freeze

 

Very amusing indeed

 

 

haha

 

another possibility:

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

 

This is the one I've read. Quality stuff.

 

Yah, the one I read as well was when he slept with her, and therefore hell hath frozen over.

 

oldie but goodie

 

there's also a good college admission essay.

 

there was a guy that was taking a final in a huge lecture class. He stayed an hour later than allowed time to finish. The professor waited and at the end said, I can't accept that, you'll get a zero. The student asked,"do you know who I am?" the professor had no clue. The student walled to the completed tests and knocked the pile of 400 tests to the ground and dropped his test in the mix. Then he walked out.