Here's a review of the restaurant I'm hitting for
10-23-2009, 09:33 AM
#1
Thread Starter
Here's a review of the restaurant I'm hitting for
I really like the place. I've been many times and have always had excellent food and service. There's something seriously wrong with either me or the reviewer.
Did I just step into a postmodern-critical theory novel? A film Noir? The past? How does this place stay open? By merit of its utter strangeness? There's obviously a secret that I've not been let in on. Perhaps I will experience an epiphany through this narrative.
The Scene:
Border of South Pasadena and Dirty Ol' LA. Wood panelled/cinder block/wall paper, semi circle bar, black buttoned Booths. Capacity 47
The Characters:
The Bartender: Blond, broken fortysomthin femme fatal in black dress.
The Waitress: Tired, irritable thirtysomthin dishwater blond who hates her job, her boss, most of all, the bartender.
The Boss: Greasy, balding, emitting pompous sleaziness with every swaggering waddle. You can imagine him abusing The Bartender.
The Busboy:
Cheerful Latino fiftysomthin, who has no idea he's in a film noir.
The Players:
A Trio of Locals at the bar.
A Random, Severely Inebriated Lone Drinker
The Saviour Prince: Strapping fortysomethin with a fu manchu mustache who exchanges tender flirtations with the bartender, evoking memories from the Little shop of Horrors romance between Seymour and Audrey.
Brando Le Strange: The Couple's Cat.
The Couple:
Girlfirend: Adventurous, curious,whiskey-guzzling, tactless red head in polka dots.
The Boyfriend:
Chronically nervous GQ businessman pocho, who leaves "remorse tips" when the redhead shows her tactlessness.
The Couple arrives at The Scene. The Boyfriend notices expensive cars in the parking lot and becomes nervous. The Girlfriend does not notice, leads the way through the sultry evening, eager for AC and JD.
The Couple enter furtively through the back, surprising The Bartender who does not recognize them. The Boyfriend and The Bartender glance around nervously. The Girlfriend stares at the back bar.
The Bartender agrees to serve appetizers at the bar alongside the Saphire tonics that are promptly placed. The Couple is happy. The appetizers look like deep fried poo on the page, and The Boyfriend announces he will have the Halibut.
The Girlfriend studies the strange menu, hears Dean Martin and Mariachi alternating, and watches Hannity frown from 2 TVs.
The Girlfriend suggests a move to a booth to accommodate the flailing elbows involved in consuming a full meal. She really can't stand a bartender with no personality. The boyfriend grimaces, discomfort and nervousness run laps around his thighs.
The Bartender agrees. Asks The Couple if she should close the tab. She doesn't know what to do: She has never had a customer move from the bar to a table.
A small scene ensues. The Bartender Suggests the couple "sit there" until she sees her remorse tip. Changes it to "over there". The Saviour Prince looks on. The Boss stalks from the office off the bar. Stalks back. The door says "Private."
The Bartender asks The Waitress to take The Couple to a 'nice quiet table'. They stare at each other with intense hatred. The Girlfriend looks around the small room wondering where the piano player is and seats herself while the adversaries stare. The Boyfriend follows. His sensitive gut is telling him that nothing good can come of this.
The Waitress offers the specials, smiles, turns, brings back rolls.
The Random, Severely Inebriated Lone Drinker, who entered stealthily, tumbles off his stool, and exits like a circus clown, limping on a bastard leg, loudly slurring, "I'm stho drungk, tshankyoo."
The Girlfriend is exceedingly amused. The Bartender looks startled. One of the Local Trio follows him out. The Saviour Prince chuckles, his broad shoulders shake and the fu manchu pulls back in a joker-like grimace.
The Waitress brings The Girlfriend an "antipasto salad" - A nightmarish medley of shredded iceberg with 4 olives, 3 peppercinis, diced Oscar Meyer Wieners and Kraft Singles.
The Girlfriend stares in horror but eats out of awkwardness and the lack of a fresh cocktail.
The Boyfriend receives a $26 slab of dry fish, a few stalks of steamed broccoli, and last night's half cold baked potato.
The Boyfriend inhales his food to avoid speaking. The Girlfriend feels odd chemical sensations in her mouth and pushes the plate away, and soon after, confesses to The Waitress that it was the worst thing she had ever eaten. The Boyfriend dies of embarrassment. The Saviour Prince and The Bartender stare longingly at each other. The Local Trio Leave. The Boss Swagger-waddles through the room. The Couple sit in utter discomfort. The Waitress smiles and collects the bill,lets her face turn into a hateful scowl before her profile has turned.
The couple escape into the wretched heat of the Los Angeles night. It slaps them in the face when they reach the apartment where Brando Le Strange is sprawled on the wood floor, suffering, suffering.
The girlfriend leaves her high heels on. Lifts her skirt to the fan.
The Boyfriend says "You want some wine or some gin or somethin?" The Couple Have Mojitos at Home
Did I just step into a postmodern-critical theory novel? A film Noir? The past? How does this place stay open? By merit of its utter strangeness? There's obviously a secret that I've not been let in on. Perhaps I will experience an epiphany through this narrative.
The Scene:
Border of South Pasadena and Dirty Ol' LA. Wood panelled/cinder block/wall paper, semi circle bar, black buttoned Booths. Capacity 47
The Characters:
The Bartender: Blond, broken fortysomthin femme fatal in black dress.
The Waitress: Tired, irritable thirtysomthin dishwater blond who hates her job, her boss, most of all, the bartender.
The Boss: Greasy, balding, emitting pompous sleaziness with every swaggering waddle. You can imagine him abusing The Bartender.
The Busboy:
Cheerful Latino fiftysomthin, who has no idea he's in a film noir.
The Players:
A Trio of Locals at the bar.
A Random, Severely Inebriated Lone Drinker
The Saviour Prince: Strapping fortysomethin with a fu manchu mustache who exchanges tender flirtations with the bartender, evoking memories from the Little shop of Horrors romance between Seymour and Audrey.
Brando Le Strange: The Couple's Cat.
The Couple:
Girlfirend: Adventurous, curious,whiskey-guzzling, tactless red head in polka dots.
The Boyfriend:
Chronically nervous GQ businessman pocho, who leaves "remorse tips" when the redhead shows her tactlessness.
The Couple arrives at The Scene. The Boyfriend notices expensive cars in the parking lot and becomes nervous. The Girlfriend does not notice, leads the way through the sultry evening, eager for AC and JD.
The Couple enter furtively through the back, surprising The Bartender who does not recognize them. The Boyfriend and The Bartender glance around nervously. The Girlfriend stares at the back bar.
The Bartender agrees to serve appetizers at the bar alongside the Saphire tonics that are promptly placed. The Couple is happy. The appetizers look like deep fried poo on the page, and The Boyfriend announces he will have the Halibut.
The Girlfriend studies the strange menu, hears Dean Martin and Mariachi alternating, and watches Hannity frown from 2 TVs.
The Girlfriend suggests a move to a booth to accommodate the flailing elbows involved in consuming a full meal. She really can't stand a bartender with no personality. The boyfriend grimaces, discomfort and nervousness run laps around his thighs.
The Bartender agrees. Asks The Couple if she should close the tab. She doesn't know what to do: She has never had a customer move from the bar to a table.
A small scene ensues. The Bartender Suggests the couple "sit there" until she sees her remorse tip. Changes it to "over there". The Saviour Prince looks on. The Boss stalks from the office off the bar. Stalks back. The door says "Private."
The Bartender asks The Waitress to take The Couple to a 'nice quiet table'. They stare at each other with intense hatred. The Girlfriend looks around the small room wondering where the piano player is and seats herself while the adversaries stare. The Boyfriend follows. His sensitive gut is telling him that nothing good can come of this.
The Waitress offers the specials, smiles, turns, brings back rolls.
The Random, Severely Inebriated Lone Drinker, who entered stealthily, tumbles off his stool, and exits like a circus clown, limping on a bastard leg, loudly slurring, "I'm stho drungk, tshankyoo."
The Girlfriend is exceedingly amused. The Bartender looks startled. One of the Local Trio follows him out. The Saviour Prince chuckles, his broad shoulders shake and the fu manchu pulls back in a joker-like grimace.
The Waitress brings The Girlfriend an "antipasto salad" - A nightmarish medley of shredded iceberg with 4 olives, 3 peppercinis, diced Oscar Meyer Wieners and Kraft Singles.
The Girlfriend stares in horror but eats out of awkwardness and the lack of a fresh cocktail.
The Boyfriend receives a $26 slab of dry fish, a few stalks of steamed broccoli, and last night's half cold baked potato.
The Boyfriend inhales his food to avoid speaking. The Girlfriend feels odd chemical sensations in her mouth and pushes the plate away, and soon after, confesses to The Waitress that it was the worst thing she had ever eaten. The Boyfriend dies of embarrassment. The Saviour Prince and The Bartender stare longingly at each other. The Local Trio Leave. The Boss Swagger-waddles through the room. The Couple sit in utter discomfort. The Waitress smiles and collects the bill,lets her face turn into a hateful scowl before her profile has turned.
The couple escape into the wretched heat of the Los Angeles night. It slaps them in the face when they reach the apartment where Brando Le Strange is sprawled on the wood floor, suffering, suffering.
The girlfriend leaves her high heels on. Lifts her skirt to the fan.
The Boyfriend says "You want some wine or some gin or somethin?" The Couple Have Mojitos at Home
10-23-2009, 11:07 AM
#7
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: All up in your inner tubes. Whatcha gonna do sucka?
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Originally Posted by tapout2000,Oct 23 2009, 12:11 PM
how's the bathroom?
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10-23-2009, 11:52 AM
#8
Thread Starter
Originally Posted by Bobert,Oct 23 2009, 10:50 AM
Sounds like some wannabe writer didn't make the cut in Hollywood, and now writes ironic restaurant reviews.
So the food is.......not very good?
So the food is.......not very good?
