For all you Golfers out there
06-26-2014, 09:28 PM
#1
Thread Starter
For all you Golfers out there
Golf Poem
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows.... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs
And losers of balls!
A recent study found that the average golfer Walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that golfers drink, on Average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
This means that, on average, golfers get about
41 miles to the gallon!
Kind of makes you proud -
Almost makes you Feel like a hybrid......
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, And Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End;
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Curse And Made Me Cry,
And Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises Me A Thing Called Par,
If I Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows.... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
Stand proud you noble swingers of clubs
And losers of balls!
A recent study found that the average golfer Walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that golfers drink, on Average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
This means that, on average, golfers get about
41 miles to the gallon!
Kind of makes you proud -
Almost makes you Feel like a hybrid......
06-26-2014, 09:31 PM
#2
Never played a day in my life, but I can relate.
06-27-2014, 03:33 AM
#3
Fore!!!
06-27-2014, 04:31 AM
#4
Interesting little poem Matt, but whoever is doing those stats is way off.
An average player is playing a golf course that's 3.5 miles or so (6000 + ) yards. Even with the back and forth, looking, going the wrong way, etc..., let's DOUBLE that (a huge overestimation on my part) and you walk 7 miles during a round.
That's 130 rounds a year for an AVERAGE golfer or 2.5 rounds a week. I'm an avid golfer, have the time and still don't play 2.5 rounds a week, except for the 2-3 months of real summer.
Cite your source man! I want to file a formal complaint against the insanity.
An average player is playing a golf course that's 3.5 miles or so (6000 + ) yards. Even with the back and forth, looking, going the wrong way, etc..., let's DOUBLE that (a huge overestimation on my part) and you walk 7 miles during a round.
That's 130 rounds a year for an AVERAGE golfer or 2.5 rounds a week. I'm an avid golfer, have the time and still don't play 2.5 rounds a week, except for the 2-3 months of real summer.
Cite your source man! I want to file a formal complaint against the insanity.
06-27-2014, 12:18 PM
#5
Thread Starter
06-27-2014, 12:50 PM
#6
Originally Posted by Heyitsgary' timestamp='1403872298' post='23220399
Cite your source man! I want to file a formal complaint against the insanity.
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06-28-2014, 09:51 AM
#8
Mark Twain once quoted " Golf is a good walk spoiled". I used to play a lot but stopped due to the insane amount of time it takes to play. Courses are overcrowded and some of the old farts play slower than the Bataan death march. Biking is much faster and better exercise.
