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Asking for $ for a wedding gift. Tacky or not?

 
Old 01-18-2019, 10:02 AM
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Much depends upon the nationality of the bridal couple. As an example, many Asian weddings provide red envelopes to contain a cash gift, plus there are some superstitions on what not to gift. Normally, I will give cash - it's always appreciated.
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Old 01-18-2019, 10:12 AM
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^
I've never heard of that custom. Interesting. That is not the case here. I just googled this. It's amazing how many things pop up, with their creative way to ask people to fund a honeymoon or a trip. Don't put in on the invitation, but let people know you are registered for $ donations towards ___________.

Still as tacky as hell in my book (unless it's some kind of custom mentioned above). In my world, you don't throw a party, any kind of party with the expectation of gifts. I guess I still live in the dark ages.....

Along the same line is the expectation that your gift should cover the cost of the meal at the wedding. Generally speaking, I'm sure we've covered our meals and quite a bit more. However, if you have an open bar, and a chocolate fountain, and many other things some couples think they need for their dream day, I don't particularly feel the need to up my gift based on your extravagance.

Need to add that my first wedding was quite small. My second (to Rick) even smaller. We showed up at my sister's house with a JP. She and her husband, who were expecting us to be headed out to dinner with them, were not aware of our plans. They were our witnesses and my son and niece were there as well. That was it. We did not want to get involved in any kind of production. We told our parents and the rest of the family after it was done.
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Old 01-18-2019, 10:37 AM
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I think it also depends on who they are asking. Personally I have no problem with a young couple just starting out asking for money. But I know lots of folks take a dim view of this, as demonstrated by the replies in this thread. So if a couple can make monetary requests to specific people, like young friends and relatives who the couple knows will be fine with the request, then no one gets offended or makes judgments,
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Old 01-18-2019, 11:08 AM
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^
You're more progressive than I am. I have no issue asking a couple or their parents what their preference is for a gift, cash or a specific gift. I obviously have an issue with monetary requests, I always have. I think I got that from my parents....you can hope for cash, but you damn well better not ask for it. Don't plan your wedding, your honeymoon or any purchase, event in your life, hoping others foot the bill.
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Old 01-18-2019, 11:20 AM
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I planned to give money to my nephew for his wedding last Nov. They did have a website both for standard gifts and for monetary contributions. I saw something on the money website that was the exact amount I planned to give anyway, so I purchased it. Did not bother me to do it that way.
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Old 01-18-2019, 01:32 PM
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The other one along this line Lainey is the pin dance.
You pin money to the bride while you take a turn dancing with her.
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Old 01-18-2019, 01:58 PM
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Originally Posted by boltonblue View Post
The other one along this line Lainey is the pin dance.
You pin money to the bride while you take a turn dancing with her.
I've not heard of that, but I've heard of the dollar dance and the apron? Hey at least that's optional....you can always run to the rest room vs asking the bride to dance.
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Old 01-18-2019, 07:09 PM
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As someone who recently got married, I totally get asking for money. Frankly, I’d rather have money than clothes than don’t fit, china I don’t need, etc. My wife and I are several years into our professional careers and already had the house and what not, so our situation is a bit different. We didn’t ask for gifts, but some friends still gifted money. Our approach for weddings we attend (which has been a lot the past several years) is to do either money, or exactly from the registry. I know it may seem heartless or thoughtless, but times are a changing folks. I’d rather have money so I don’t have to return a “thoughtful” gift. I even see this in my nieces and nephews. They don’t want just legos, they want specific legos.
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Old 01-19-2019, 03:43 AM
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I get money is what people want and I'd bet most people give money anyway. It's putting it out there that I have a hard time with. I know it may be the trend but I still don't like it. There is a request for one's presence at a wedding not presents
Edit: I do appreciate the responses and I won't beat the dead horse too much. Maybe I need to start the "thank you card" thread next. Or maybe the invites to attend an anniversary dinner that comes with a $ for the meal and a little bit of the $ goes to the happy couple.
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Old 01-19-2019, 05:54 AM
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I don't mind them asking for money. It is when they send out past due notices that upsets me.

Last edited by dlq04; 01-19-2019 at 06:54 AM.
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