Joke of the Day Part II Vintage Style
11-13-2006, 11:23 PM
#21
They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have
to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is very
embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who
insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other
patients I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way
this old guy handled it.
An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the
desk.... The receptionist said, "Yes, sir, what are you seeing the
doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded waiting room and say things like that."
Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this
room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with
your ear or ! something, and discussed the problem further with the
doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full
strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
I can't piss out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter. Mess with seniors and you're gonna
lose!
to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is very
embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who
insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other
patients I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way
this old guy handled it.
An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the
desk.... The receptionist said, "Yes, sir, what are you seeing the
doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded waiting room and say things like that."
Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this
room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with
your ear or ! something, and discussed the problem further with the
doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full
strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
I can't piss out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter. Mess with seniors and you're gonna
lose!
11-14-2006, 04:13 AM
#22
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Here's one for the ladies:
A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first-year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first-year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
11-14-2006, 10:31 AM
#23
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A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and
ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How
about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me. I'm
celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he
asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For
years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying
fertilized eggs." "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence"
ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How
about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me. I'm
celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he
asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For
years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying
fertilized eggs." "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he replied.
She smiled and said, "What a coincidence"
11-14-2006, 07:58 PM
#24
JUST IN TIME FOR tHANKSGIVING!! This would be fun to do!
One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
Yep..................SHE'S BLONDE
11-14-2006, 08:01 PM
#25
Originally Posted by Palmateer,Nov 14 2006, 05:13 AM
Here's one for the ladies:
A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first-year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
A professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first-year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."
11-14-2006, 08:06 PM
#26
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That's funny ... as I'll cook the turkey, I should try that ... but my lovely wife, the consumate critter lover that she is, would completely fail to see the humor in that ... so maybe I shouldn't try that for self preservation purposes.
It's still funny though
It's still funny though
11-15-2006, 04:09 AM
#27
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The Date
Monica and Edna two "senior" widows, are talking at the local coffee shop.
Monica says, "That nice Joe asked me out for a date... I know that you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna answers, "Well... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show... let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!
So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me.... two times!"
Monica says, "Goodness gracious
Monica and Edna two "senior" widows, are talking at the local coffee shop.
Monica says, "That nice Joe asked me out for a date... I know that you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna answers, "Well... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner - lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show... let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure!
So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me.... two times!"
Monica says, "Goodness gracious
11-16-2006, 04:26 AM
#28
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One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine
when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got
out to investigate
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man
replied. "We have to eat grass."
Well, then, you can come with me to my house and
I'll feed you" the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They
are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along" the lawyer replied. Turning to
the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said,
"But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even
for a car large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the
lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for
taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really
love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."
when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got
out to investigate
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man
replied. "We have to eat grass."
Well, then, you can come with me to my house and
I'll feed you" the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They
are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along" the lawyer replied. Turning to
the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said,
"But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even
for a car large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the
lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for
taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really
love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."
11-16-2006, 03:39 PM
#29
THE BEST COMEBACK LINE EVER!
Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on
the radio the other day
and you'll love his reply to the lady who
interviewed him concerning guns
and children. Regardless of how you feel about
gun laws you gotta love
this!!!!
This is one of the best comeback lines of all
time. It is a portion of
National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a
female broadcaster and US
Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to
sponsor a Boy Scout Troop
visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what
things are you going to
teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them
climbing, canoeing, archery,
and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit
irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be
properly supervised on the
rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is
a terribly dangerous
activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be
teaching them proper rifle
discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to
become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to
be a prostitute, but
you're not one, are you?
Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on
the radio the other day
and you'll love his reply to the lady who
interviewed him concerning guns
and children. Regardless of how you feel about
gun laws you gotta love
this!!!!
This is one of the best comeback lines of all
time. It is a portion of
National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a
female broadcaster and US
Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to
sponsor a Boy Scout Troop
visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what
things are you going to
teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them
climbing, canoeing, archery,
and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit
irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be
properly supervised on the
rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is
a terribly dangerous
activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be
teaching them proper rifle
discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to
become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to
be a prostitute, but
you're not one, are you?
11-16-2006, 07:27 PM
#30
Originally Posted by Palmateer,Nov 16 2006, 05:26 AM
...The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really
love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."
love my place. The grass is almost a foot high."