Palmateer

As great a tale as this is, it's pure fabrication. It began life in 1999, purportedly about an "LTG Reinwald" of the US Army. In 2001 it reappeared, this time attributed to "Marine Corps General Reinwald."

The U.S. Army denies that there is a Lieutenant General Reinwald and chalks the whole thing up as a hoax. (Which is as logic dictated all along; if an armed forces spokesperson ever gave voice to a sexist remark likening a female interviewer to a prostitute, that officer would soon be called upon to make a very public apology as well as face charges within ranks for conduct unbecoming.)


National Public Radio had this to say about the matter:

We are aware of an erroneous story posted on the Free Republic Website, and possibly elsewhere, which mentions a supposed interview between an unnamed NPR reporter and a U.S Army Lieutenant General Reinwald. The story is false

RENDERMAN

sugarbear

THE RECIPE





..I knew it!

I knew they would finally release the ingredients in Viagra !

3% Vitamin E
2% Aspirin
2% Ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray Starch
87% Fix-A-Flat

NNY S2k

Bubba had Shingles


Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate

this!

Doesn't it seem that more and more that physicians are running their

practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:



Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him

what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his name,

address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.



Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.


Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete

medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.



A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba

said, Shingles. So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure

test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes

and wait for the doctor.



An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba

said, shingles. The doctor asked, Where?



Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them??"

Rdrunner

The frying pan!!!


A young man called Paul invited his mother for dinner,

during the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help

but notice how handsome Paul's flatmate, Simon, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between

the two, and this only made her more curious.



Over the course of the evening, while watching the two

interact, she started to wonder if there was more between

Paul and his flatmate than met the eye.



Reading his mum's thoughts, Paul volunteered, "I know

what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Simon & I

are just flatmates".



About a week later, Simon came to Paul saying, "Ever since

your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying


pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?" "Well I doubt it,

but I'll email her just to be sure" said Paul. So he sat d own and wrote:



DEAR MOTHER,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING

PAN FROM MY HOUSE, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU

"DID NOT" TAKE THE Frying Pan BUT THE FACT REMAINS

THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE

HERE FOR DINNER.

LOVE PAUL



Several days later, Paul received an email from his mother which read:



DEAR SON,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH SIMON,

AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH

SIMON, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF HE WAS

SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND

THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.

LOVE MUM



Lesson of the day,

NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

RENDERMAN

I would like to have a second opinion

A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.

Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.

Patient: I wanna second opinion.

Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.

klassyblue

You Might Be A Redneck If:

You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.

Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.

You've ever re-used a paper plate.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say
Cool Whip on the side.

If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.

Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.

Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them.

Your stuffings secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.

Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup.

Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.

Your secret family recipe is illegal.

You serve Vienna Sausage as an appetizer.

Palmateer

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

RENDERMAN

Bragging about Japan

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.

The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

mns2k

To be truly Red Neck that needs to be "Dope and a Moon pie" also the dope needs to have peanuts dumped into it.