Joke of the Day Part II Vintage Style
05-20-2008, 08:55 PM
#502
An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up really nice, along with some picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. When he came closer, he realized it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end to shield themselves.
One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned and replied, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.
'
Moral of the story: Old men may move slow but can still think fast.
05-30-2008, 01:29 PM
#503
sorry I fail to see the humor and just find that disappointing.
thank you for the deletion.
thank you for the deletion.
05-31-2008, 11:24 PM
#504
Mr. Lee
A man thought that his wife is cheating on him.
Since he didn't have a lot of money to hire an expensive private investigator,
he decided to go with a much cheaper one ... a Chinese man named Mr. Lee.
The following day he received following report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch He and she leave house.
I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he.
I play with me. I fall off tree. I not see.
No fee.
Mr. Lee
A man thought that his wife is cheating on him.
Since he didn't have a lot of money to hire an expensive private investigator,
he decided to go with a much cheaper one ... a Chinese man named Mr. Lee.
The following day he received following report:
Most honorable sir:
You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch He and she leave house.
I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he.
I play with me. I fall off tree. I not see.
No fee.
Mr. Lee
06-01-2008, 04:40 AM
#505
Originally Posted by boltonblue,May 30 2008, 04:29 PM
sorry I fail to see the humor and just find that disappointing.
Please delete that one.
06-02-2008, 12:08 PM
#506
Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: EstesPark/BocaRaton
Posts: 3,077
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I've been out of town, but, wow, two racist jokes in pretty quick succession. I hope it's not starting a trend. 
At least one was deleted. Thanks for that. HPH
At least one was deleted. Thanks for that. HPH
06-02-2008, 05:23 PM
#507
The Lone Ranger
Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their
tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look
towards sky, what you see?'
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically
speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the
morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we wi ll have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'
You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent.'
Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their
tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look
towards sky, what you see?'
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically
speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the
morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we wi ll have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'
You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent.'
06-03-2008, 05:09 AM
#508
Originally Posted by NNY S2k,Jun 3 2008, 02:23 AM
The Lone Ranger
Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their
tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look
towards sky, what you see?'
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically
speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the
morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we wi ll have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'
You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent.'
Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their
tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look
towards sky, what you see?'
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, 'Astronomically
speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the
morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we wi ll have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?'
You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole the tent.'
very funny
06-03-2008, 10:19 AM
#509
^ That's an oldie but goodie! 
A guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You've got to stop masturbating." The guy asks why. The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
A guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You've got to stop masturbating." The guy asks why. The doctor says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
06-03-2008, 10:41 AM
#510
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Six Metro stops short of insanity.
Posts: 29,143
Received 973 Likes
on
666 Posts
A guy goes to a shrink..says to the shrink, "I think I may be a sex maniac." The doctor asks why. Guy says, "Well, the other day my wife and I are eating breakfast...I look at her, she looks at me, and BANG!, the next thing you know, we're making love on the breakfast table." The doctor says, "Well, that's not really unusual, sometimes you have urges and you have to follow through. It's your wife, there's nothing bad about that." Guy says, "Yeah, but now they won't let us back into IHOP."