Ottercycle

the 3 stages of marital sex:

stage 1: the first year of marriage you are both so excited you can't keep your hands off each other, you initiate every room in the house and can't even make it to the grocery store together without stopping along the way for a quickie.

stage 2: after a couple years of marriage you settle into a happy routine, a couple days a week and some wild saturday nites.

stage 3: after 10 years of marriage, you pass each other in the morning and yell "screw you!"

NNY S2k

Bungee Jumping in Mexico
Alice and Frank were bungee jumping one day. Alice says to Frank,'You know we could make a lot of money running our own Bungee-jumping Business in Mexico .' Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd, they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration, so Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding. Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time, she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, 'What happened? Was the cord too long?' Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, 'No, the Bungee cord was fine...it was the crowd!....What the HELL is a pi

NNY S2k

IDLE THOUGHTS --

===================

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up.
Now I don't know what to feed it.
*****

I had amnesia once --
or twice.
*****

Protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic.
*****

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
*****

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride
horses sidesaddle
*****

What is a 'free' gift?
>Aren't all gifts free?
*****

They told me I was gullible
and I believed them.
*****

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home,
and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway..
******

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone
*****

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
*****

I used to be indecisive.
Now I'm not sure.
*****

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
*****

How can there be self-help 'groups'?
*****

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
*****

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a
man who can't get his pants off.
*****

Is it me--or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

dlq04

An old man goes to a Pharmacy to buy some Viagra.

'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'

'I can cut them for you' said the Pharmacist, 'but a
quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.'

'I am 96 ' said the old man . 'I don't want an
erection, I just want it sticking out far enough so
I don't piss on my slippers.'

wizard8100

Quote of the Day Tuesday, July 01, 2008

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
- Rick Cook



"There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't."

dlq04

Sex In The Shower

In a recent survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to
have had sex in the shower !

In the survey, carried out for leading toiletries firm 'Brut', a huge
86% of Detroit residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.






The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison ....

NNY S2k

Scooterboy

^I don't care what you say, that there is funny!

dlq04

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.'

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people that were nearly 100 years old, having sex would surely be asking for trouble. 'Oh, no, my dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong.'

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,
'He'd still be alive today if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.

dlq04

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6 Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke..
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
coordination.
I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot
or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.