When I was kid my Mother would send me to the corner store with a dollar bill and I would come back with 5 potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, a hunk of cheese, a box of tea and six eggs.
You can't do that now. Too many freakin' security cameras.

 

Pilot asks his co-pilot "Why did you want to be a pilot?"
Co-pilot says "to overcome my biggest fear"
Pilot responds "heights?"
Co pilot "No, dying alone"

 

 

 

 

Better?

 

^^no humor there.