FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01, 2005
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be an open bar & plenty of food We'll have a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pocket. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you & your family.
Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 02, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides w/Christmas, tho unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you & your family.
Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 03, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table .. you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange is allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money & executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 04, 2005
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating & drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet & pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit w/each other. Lesbians do not have to sit w/Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed tho we will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people w/high blood pressure to taste 1st. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***king Employees
DATE: December 05, 2005
RE: The F***ing Holiday Party

Vegetarian jerks I've had it w/you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, & you'll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk & die,
The Bitch from HELL!!!

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 06, 2005
RE: Patty Lewis & Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery & I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party & give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off w/full pay.
Happy Holidays

 

This is really funny and sad at the same time.
I run a company and this year I have made the mistake of deferring to the majority of employee's as to how, when and where we would have our holiday party.
After announcing what we were doing they all started to complain about this and that.
Shoot - they came up with the whole thing.
After becoming rather bothered and frankly angry about them being so ungrateful about the whole thing (we pass out cash bonuses at this thing) I decided to move forward with the original plan (their plan) and while (in series of memos) we cut out the gift exchange, dropped the pot luck - share your favorite dish part and moved the location - one thing they don't want changed is the bonuses.
So I've decided to surprise them this year.
I'm increasing the bonuses. They all realize that I was hurt and rumor had it I was not coming and frankly I thought they were acting like kids.
My asst. had put out a sign-up sheet to see who was coming and for the past week only 4 or 5 people signed it.
But, like a miracle yesterday some 70 names popped up on it.
I guess they want the bonus.
While I was pissed I have decided that I will be the bigger man about this and unlike scrooge I'm going to be very generous in-spite of the very cool reception.
Next year I'll decide what we're going to do and issue orders from the ivory tower and then close my door to them. I can't go thru this again.

 

Is attendance required for a bonus?

Our small office used to have a holiday dinner at the boss' expense. It became too difficult to try and plan, even for our small group. This one's kid had a school concert, this one's wife had to work, this one's mother in law was in town. Eventually, we just stopped trying to have a party. If a bonus is going to be given at our place, the boss hands them out at the office, right before Christmas.

I find people are just too darn busy with their own personal committments to deal with another party for work, even if the party is well intentioned. Some companies now do the "Holiday Party" in January or February, when nothing else is going on.

My husband also works for a small place. His boss' idea of a party is closing early on Christmas Eve, the employees hang around to get something to eat, then receive a small cash bonus. People need/want to get home on Christmas Eve, not hang around the office. Last year my husband left before the "official end" of the party, and I guess that cost him as he was not given the bonus that others got. I think the boss thought of it as a Pi____ contest. I'm not sure who won the contest. Rick never said a word to him about the bonus. It was more important that he get home to be with his family.

Before you think of him as ungrateful/lousy employee, Rick has worked at the same dealership for almost 30 years, under the present owner for over 15 years, and runs one of the most profitable departments in the dealership.

 

No attending is not required to get the bonus.
We've always enjoyed these holiday parties in the past but maybe it was a mistake to defer to them about what we should do.
And I really like seeing everyone get some xtra cash for the holidays and a note thanking them for a year of hard work.
It'll work out fine.

 

The note is a nice touch.

 

That is an oldie but a goodie. Normally, our parties are pretty ho hum. But we had one today, a luncheon with games, that turned out well. We played the White Elephant game, which is always very fun and funny to see who ends up with what.

 

, George!

 

Hi, Charlie!