Sudden death vs. Lingering
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Joined: Oct 2000
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From: Philly (Narberth)
Sudden death vs. Lingering
This was just posted in the R C "memorial" thread
I didn't want to post this comment THERE, but am wondering:
*A sudden death might be better (physically) for the deceased, but it's very hard on the family. Suicide also fits this category.
*A lingering death from a progressive disease is not good for most people, but it gives time to say "goodbyes" and bring affairs to an orderly closure.
Kathy sees both extremes in the work that she does as a Parish Nurse every week with OLDER
in our large church. My daughter works with the "lingering" cases every week in her job as a Hospice Chaplain.
We rarely get to make a choice for ourselves or even our loved ones. It's a somber subject and needs to be treated respectfully.
What do you think?
Since his sudden passing was such a shock to our community, I can't imagine what a shock it must be to his family.
*A sudden death might be better (physically) for the deceased, but it's very hard on the family. Suicide also fits this category.
*A lingering death from a progressive disease is not good for most people, but it gives time to say "goodbyes" and bring affairs to an orderly closure.
Kathy sees both extremes in the work that she does as a Parish Nurse every week with OLDER
in our large church. My daughter works with the "lingering" cases every week in her job as a Hospice Chaplain.We rarely get to make a choice for ourselves or even our loved ones. It's a somber subject and needs to be treated respectfully.
What do you think?
Joined: Apr 2007
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From: Long Beach, MS
All I know is when I die I want to go quietly while asleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
On a serious note, as hard as sudden unexpected passing is for those left behind I would prefer it over the long terminal illnesses experienced by my grandmother (Alzheimer's) and my father in law (throat and nasal cancer). My sister's husband died suddenly when we thought he was well on his way to a full recovery following a stroke. It was tough on all of us but somehow it was easier to accept in a way--The grieving was more intense but the sense of closure came much more readily. That doesn't make any sense as I write this but its how I felt.
On a serious note, as hard as sudden unexpected passing is for those left behind I would prefer it over the long terminal illnesses experienced by my grandmother (Alzheimer's) and my father in law (throat and nasal cancer). My sister's husband died suddenly when we thought he was well on his way to a full recovery following a stroke. It was tough on all of us but somehow it was easier to accept in a way--The grieving was more intense but the sense of closure came much more readily. That doesn't make any sense as I write this but its how I felt.
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IMO, lingering for weeks or months is much more difficult to deal with then going quickly. Yes it is a shock, but then you realize that the individual didn't have to suffer for a long period. If I had a choice, that's how I'd like to go.
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From: Smalltown
We've lost parents both ways. Alzhimer's, took Rick's Mom, lung disease took my Dad. Hid dad we lost from a massive brain bleed. He was working in his green house one minute, and the next day gone.
The sudden death brought out much stronger emotions as it simply was not expected, even given his age, 88. (It also came only six weeks after my Dad passed which made it even more emotional). With the lingering illness, by the time they passed, we were almost numb and were waiting and yes praying for the inevitable.
The shock of the sudden death IS tough to take, but in hindsight, easier to bear than watching a loved one suffer.
Mike, this makes perfect sense to me.
The sudden death brought out much stronger emotions as it simply was not expected, even given his age, 88. (It also came only six weeks after my Dad passed which made it even more emotional). With the lingering illness, by the time they passed, we were almost numb and were waiting and yes praying for the inevitable.
The shock of the sudden death IS tough to take, but in hindsight, easier to bear than watching a loved one suffer.
Originally Posted by tof
It was tough on all of us but somehow it was easier to accept in a way--The grieving was more intense but the sense of closure came much more readily. That doesn't make any sense as I write this but its how I felt.
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From: Modjeska Canyon, CA
I'd vote for suddenly, but not unexpectedly. Both of my parents live alone, and I dread the possibility of some day realizing, "Gee... I haven't heard from Dad for a few weeks." But I'd rather miss the opportunity to say goodbye than to say goodbye repeatedly over a period of months.
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From: Philly (Narberth)
Originally Posted by Traveler,Apr 16 2010, 11:51 AM
....But I'd rather miss the opportunity to say goodbye than to say goodbye repeatedly over a period of months.
