s2-king

Well as the title states, I would like make an all joke thread. So post your funniest jokes here!

I'll start with the first....

Peter invites his mom for breakfast. She notices his roommate Joe is slightly over friendly. She suspected Peter is gay, but he denies that anything is going on between them and says that they are only roommates and nothing more. A week later, Joe says to Peter "ever since your mom came to breakfast I can't find the frying pan". Peter emails his mom and says "Dear mon, I'm not saying that you did borrow the frying pan, and I'm not saying that you did not borrow the frying pan, but its been missing ever since you came to breakfast. Love Peter". His mom replies. " Dear son, I'm not saying you do sleep with Joe and I'm not saying you don't sleep with Joe, but if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the frying pan by now, you little HOMO BASTARD. Love mom"

s2-king

A blind man went to a restaurant. "Menu sir?" Asked the owner. "I'm blind. Just bring me one of your dirty forks.. I will smell it & order." The confused owner got a fork. The blind man smelt the fork with a deep breath. "Yes, I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables."Unbelievable!" thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. 2 weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to see how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking. He said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your pussy!!", which she does! He then goes to the blindman and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it, puts it to his nose and says, "Oh shit, I never knew Brenda worked here!!"

s2-king

Boyfriend comes home to find his girlfriend watching the food channel, he asks her " why do you watch that? You still can't cook!" She responds" soooo? u watch $$$$$$ every night and still can't ****

A woman was eyeing up a black man in a club all night. After lots of chatting and flirting, they left together. Pulling him against a wall outside, grabbing his crotch and breathing heavily she whispered "come on big boy, show me if its true what they say about black men"
So he stabbed her and ran off with her purse

zeroptzero

Q: Why do black guys dislike country music so much ?
A. Because everytime they hear the word "hoedown" they think that their sister just got shot.

Sgt.Mecca

Want to hear a joke?...............Womens Rights.

Wanna hear a joke about pizza?.........Nah, its too cheesy.

FluKy15

Why is Mrs Claus so sad?

Because Santa Claus only comes once a year!

s2-king

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?'The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip ,placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from,of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch,downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV .The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked: 'What the f... are you doing?'The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my son-in-law.'

FluKy15

Top 10 Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Girls

#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22...

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you are on-the-road...

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times...

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup...

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo...

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space...

#4 - A gun functions normally every day of the month...

#3 - A gun doesn't ask, 'Do these grips make me look fat?'...

#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it...

...AND...the #1 reason a gun is favored over a woman...............



YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN!!!

CR EH

Those are some good ones.

s2-king

A jamaican man went to the hospital for treatment to both his badly burnt ears. dr asked: how did you get your ears so badly burnt sir? patient replied: mi a iron mi shirt and one eediat bowoy caal mi upon mi cell phone an insteada mi ansa di fone mi pic up de ion and ansa it. dr said: ok that explains 1 ear, but how do u explain the other? patient replies: di bumbuclaat eediat caal mi back agen!


A Hippie sits next to a nun on the bus and asks her if he could have sex with her,
she said "NO! i am married to god!!" and gets off the bus disgusted.
The bus driver said "she prays every tuesday night at midnight in the grave yard,
why don't you dress up in a hooded robe go to the grave yard tell her you are god and demand sex?"
The hippie tries this and to his surprise the nun said "yes but only if we have anal sex as i want to keep my virginity"
They have passionate bum sex and when they are done the hippie throws off his robe and cries" ha ha" I'm the hippie!
The nun cries out "ha ha" i'm the bus driver!!



Larry gets home late one night and his wife Linda says where in the hell have you been?? Larry replies I was out getting a tattoo. A tattoo?? she frowned what kind of tattoo did you get?? I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates, he said proudly. What the hell were you thinking?? she said, shaking her head in disdain. Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?? Well one I like to watch my money grow. Two once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And lastly, instead of you going out shopping you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!