Car Talk - Non S2000 General Motoring and Non S2000 Car Talk

Motorway Moan

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Old Jan 4, 2012 | 12:22 AM
  #1  
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A couple of open letters to some motorists of the UK:

Dear Sir(s)

Rather than causing a potentially catastrophic incident, why not follow these handy hints once your unfortunate mechanical issue has been resolved (that IS why you were on the hard shoulder...isn't it?)

Do:
Accelerate up to an appropriate speed, then join the flow of traffic safely.

Do Not:
without even bothering to indicate, pull onto the carriageway from a standstill.

Kind Regards
everyone around you as you did this.


-------------


Dear Cretin,

Whilst not beyond the realms of possibility, I find it highly unlikely that you have fitted your W reg 1.4 206 with such wizzadry as would necessitate the use of an i-Pad in place of your OEM dashboard. Should this be the case, might I suggest mounting it properly, rather than propping it up behind the steering wheel.

If this IS the case, I'd be interested to know what you needed to scroll whilst in Lane 3 of the M25. I can only assume some last minute map tweaking prior to hitting the twisties...well..the M4 exit.

What a shame said tweaking caused you to miss your junction! I really did want to point and laugh, but I thought that distracting you as you reversed along the hatching between M25 and M4 with your hazard lights on was probably asking for more trouble than it was worth.

Still, at least with your new engine map you'll have been able to rejoin the carriageway with little fuss.

In fact, your setup may be of interest to some equally stupid Hard Shoulder frequenters.

Rgds.
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Old Jan 4, 2012 | 12:29 AM
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bad drive to work this morning?
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Old Jan 4, 2012 | 12:37 AM
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Not the best
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Old Jan 4, 2012 | 02:01 AM
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Plus; if that telepone call you really stopped to take were so vital, you'd be a captain of industry in an appropriate car WITH BLUETOOTH HANDSFREE and not be a spotty dweeb in a shitty 206/obese motherf ucker in a greasy Zafira using a handheld VTECH Nokia/Fashionberry and wouldn't need to stop.
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Old Jan 4, 2012 | 03:32 AM
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Plus, understand very clearly indeed the fact that putting on your indicator does not automatically confer upon you a god-given right to pull out no matter what is steaming up the lane outside you at twice your speed; nor immunity from the laws of physics that will lead to the resulting impact, death, devistation, delay or at very best, well deserved bloody good kicking, that is likely to result.
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Old Jan 4, 2012 | 04:05 AM
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And indicating right at a roundabout doesn't automatically make you a rimming queer...
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Old Jan 4, 2012 | 05:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Nick Graves
And indicating right at a roundabout doesn't automatically make you a rimming queer...
PS if your brain can muster it, then indicating left to say you're pulling off wouldn't go amiss.


Having said that, probably should add people pulling off while driving to the list of don'ts...
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Old Jan 4, 2012 | 06:09 AM
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Good one; I'd never realised operating an indicator switch required a PHD.

Maybe they should make signs for Audis; no hand signals - driver w anking.
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Old Jan 4, 2012 | 06:57 AM
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An AA recovery truck pulled out from the hard shoulder on me the other day. The M5 was VERY busy as first day back after New Year and he just came out at approx 2mph towing his load...

I had no choice but to *make* a gap in the middle lane to avoid him towing me up the motorway too!

Should know better.
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Old Jan 4, 2012 | 08:44 AM
  #10  
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Originally Posted by Hedropsforglory
Plus, understand very clearly indeed the fact that putting on your indicator does not automatically confer upon you a god-given right to pull out no matter what is steaming up the lane outside you at twice your speed; nor immunity from the laws of physics that will lead to the resulting impact, death, devistation, delay or at very best, well deserved bloody good kicking, that is likely to result.
+1 occupational hazard for me
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