So, after we get a loan, buy her wedding dress. Get the wedding plans in order... she tells me the day before my birthday that she wasnt ready to get married yet, which I can understand that (if youre not ready youre not) but all in the same conversation said that she doesnt want to pursue a relationship at all anymore with me. Needless to say my birthday was not the happiest one Ive had. I have her parents support, they want us to work it out and make things right... we are all hoping that its a combination of her being scared to death about being pregnant and her hormones going out of control. And for the twist of things... i also must let yall know that we werent exclusive to each other and that she was honest and said that there was a SLIGHT chance its not mine but that more than likely it is mine, so I respect her for that. So Im thinking that she pulled this 180 on me because maybe shes having real doubts about "What if it isnt Mikes", maybe she doesnt want to have me get all happy and excited about this only to come to the time and find out its not mine and break my heart. Its been the toughest thing ive had to deal with in my life so far (and ive had my share of hardships). We are still communicating on a simple level right now, but I cant look at her... hurts too damn much. Ive got hope that things get back on track and we get back together, but right now... this is hell. Just was wondering if yall can say a prayer for me and any advice here is welcome. Thanks everyone

Needless to say me and the bars have been spending LOTS of time together lately.

 

if shes not ready, then dont force it. if its meant to be, it will happen. just be happy for the time you had and that she didnt spring this on you on the honeymoon. i had a friend in about the same situation except she didnt tell the guy. she was like...but my parents spent so much money already, i have to go through it. theyre now divorced. not sure if that made any sense, but the moral of the story is to be patient and let things fall into place. if you had to get a loan for the wedding, etc...then you shouldnt be getting married at all imho. money is a huge issue in marriage. just my two cents...and yeah, im not married

 

Sorry to here that man, I hope you 2 can work it out. I wish I had some advice to give you. But like Bridow said, don't force anything.

 

Mike,

Sorry to hear about this turn of events, however ...you need to be patient here, as well as cautious.

This is going to sound crass, but with the revelation of non-exclusivity, you should give serious consideration to a paternity test. About a year ago a similar thing happened to my nephew, he was all excited and ready for fatherhood, but cooler heads prevailed and insisted on the test. The results proved that he was NOT the father, and after the fact she revealed a 'one-time' liason. Needless to say he was heartbroken, and somewhat outraged, but better to find out before making a commitment.

Good luck, and best wishes!

 

Yea, a paternity test is on the menu no doubt about that otherwise im not signing anything. And if she has a change of heart and says she wants to get married, im gonna tell her "Ok, I do want to work things out with you and see what happens. But you really concerned me before and I dont think we should rush into this. Lets move in together see how things go and take it from there." This whole situation just really sucks.

 

Moving in together is a pretty crazy experience. I've been living with my g/f for about 2 years. You definately learn alot more about the person. I hope you guys can work it out.

 

Yea, I think alot of this is due to her being younger and less settled than I. She doesnt want to be tied down, I knew I didnt when I was her age. But reality is hitting her... hopefully once she knows whos it is she will do the right thing and atleast try and let things work out between us. Her parents gave me alot of insight on the situation and I cant thank them enough for contacting me and meeting me without her knowing. Told me she is scared shitless, but that they know she really cares about me alot... but she was feeling smothered (but they understood how i was being like that... i mean, shes having my baby (probably)). I kinda feel like theres a little more hope in this with her mom trying to talk some sense in her. So I told my girl that I really care alot about her. And I understand that she has a ton of stuff on her mind. So I am gonna give her all the space she needed in this and that I am here for her no matter what. Ive really got no choice but to ride it out and have all the hope in the world that things work out like I think they deserve to work out.

 

Wow...drama in the making...

#1. Don't set yourself up for Drama. It's unproductive and will suck the money and life outta you.
#2. Don't set yourself up for Drama.

If the water is rough now...don't expect calm seas. Here I am trying to sound all poetic or something...but the point is this, LEAVE HER. OMG! I hate drama.

 

im sorry to hear of your problems mike, you are in my prayers.


But look on the bright side you get to keep the S

 

Just step away from the situation for awhile. You've already shown your support so the rest is up to her. She is obviously very confused and scared but only she can sort through it.

However, regardless if the baby is yours or not, entering into a marriage that is filled with doubt or out of necessity is not the way to go. Even living together is not a good option at this point.

It sounds like her parents are very involved and they will probably help with raising the baby. So wait until she has had the baby before either of you decide whats next.

Good luck and take lots of long drives.