Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was
closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the
younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in
peace. Take us to your leader.'

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again,
there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew
his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in
peace. Donot ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't
want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the
pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball
roared towards them, blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited
him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he
refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked
dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his
Big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn
near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy
friend and replied:



'If there's one thing I've learned during my
intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap
his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear.'

 

He said penis...

 

 

for

 

*cricket-cricket*

 

(cough)

 

It wasn't meant to be funny, it was meant for Raptor!

 

That's 25 years old, 8D. Still funny as hell, though.

 

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three will wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet up for lunch. The engaged woman: "The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bra, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long." The mistress: "Same here! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bra, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat." When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night. The married woman: "I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in thedoor and saw me he said 'What's for dinner, Batman?'"

 

Well, it came down the Poppa Trunkie list, so I figured it was a fine stale joke you'd remember or appreciate. . . or forgotten, and appreciate. . .