Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot documentary filmmaker Michael Moore yesterday as Moore was walking out of a Manhattan Denny's. A spokesperson for the vice president said that it was a "complete accident" and that Cheney felt "horrible." The White House released a statement saying that the shooting was "just bad timing. Vice President Cheney, who is well-versed in firearms safety, was merely sitting in a shrub, wearing camouflage, outside of a Denny's frequented by Mr. Moore." The statement went on to say that Cheney had been in the shrub for "several days." Moore is said to have suffered only minor injuries and was released from the hospital.

In another bizarre accident, Cheney mistakenly shot every Democratic member of the Senate Judiciary Committee. A White House spokesman said that the vice president feels "bad, but not that bad." An aide to Cheney said that the vice president "happened to be in the committee chambers, under a chair, when he stood up to put on a pair of chaps, accidentally shooting the committee members, stopping to reload three times." Remarkably, the committee members were largely unhurt and are expected to make complete recoveries.

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton miraculously escaped injury today after Cheney accidentally ran up to her motorcade and accidentally shot at her car. The White House said the vice president "tripped." "These things happen," a White House spokesman said. "Guns, while completely safe, are also dangerous." A member of the vice president's staff said Cheney apologized to the former first lady and potential presidential candidate in a handwritten note. "I'm sorry I almost shot you. But know that I will try again and will also be sorry then too. I like the sound a gun makes and the smell of the gunpowder. 'Flint' is a neat word. "

 

 

 

 

 

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