Fly The Friendly Skies . . . . . . .
02-10-2005, 06:17 AM
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Fly The Friendly Skies . . . . . . .
For anyone that flies as much as I do, I can visualize some of the instances 
Fly The Friendly Skies ------------- (BUCKLE UP FOR SAFETY )
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight
"safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some
real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you
want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a
flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out
furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
-----------------------
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the
pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and
will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
------------------------
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."
------------------------
There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of
this airplane"
-----------------------
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving
us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---------------------------
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone
voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
-------------------------
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure
as hell everything has shifted."
-----------------------
>From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245
to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab in to the
buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if
you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."
---------------------
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from
the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If
you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small
child, pick your favourite."
-----------------------
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
------------------------
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle! to shore and take them with our
compliments."
-----------------------
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings,
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants.. Please do not leave children or spouses."
---------------------------
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased
to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry, Unfortunately,
none of them are on this flight!"
-----------------------------
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite
a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't
the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
------------------------------
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the fina l approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain
in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate!"
---------------------
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask
you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---------------------
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile,
and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of
his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the
pilot. "What is it?" The l ittle old lady said, "Did we land, or were we
shot down?"
-------------------
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and
the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.
And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced,
we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the
terminal."
------------------
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you
folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge
to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll think of US Airways."
------! ---------
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to
smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can
light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
----------------
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, Welcome to
Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles, The weather
ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful
flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after
a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to
you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled,
"That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Fly The Friendly Skies ------------- (BUCKLE UP FOR SAFETY )
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight
"safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some
real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you
want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a
flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out
furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
-----------------------
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the
pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and
will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
------------------------
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."
------------------------
There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of
this airplane"
-----------------------
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving
us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---------------------------
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone
voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
-------------------------
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure
as hell everything has shifted."
-----------------------
>From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245
to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab in to the
buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if
you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."
---------------------
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from
the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If
you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small
child, pick your favourite."
-----------------------
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
------------------------
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle! to shore and take them with our
compliments."
-----------------------
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings,
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants.. Please do not leave children or spouses."
---------------------------
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased
to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry, Unfortunately,
none of them are on this flight!"
-----------------------------
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite
a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't
the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight
attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
------------------------------
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the fina l approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain
in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate!"
---------------------
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask
you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---------------------
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his
ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile,
and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of
his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the
pilot. "What is it?" The l ittle old lady said, "Did we land, or were we
shot down?"
-------------------
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and
the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.
And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced,
we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the
terminal."
------------------
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you
folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge
to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll think of US Airways."
------! ---------
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to
smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can
light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
----------------
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the
intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, Welcome to
Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles, The weather
ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful
flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after
a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and
Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to
you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled,
"That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
02-10-2005, 07:29 AM
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There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of
this airplane"
All people that hate to fly would kill the pilot for saying something like this 
this airplane"
All people that hate to fly would kill the pilot for saying something like this
02-10-2005, 07:35 AM
#5
great stuff! On the flight home from the Super Bowl we passed around napkins letting everyone know the Eagles fight song would be sung at 6:05 PM exactly (18:05 to you Robbie)
....we befriended the hot flight attendant to appeal to the captain to make an announcement...HE DID ..and in unison a plane-full of sad Eagle fans sang the fight song one last time for the season 
02-10-2005, 07:48 AM
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Originally Posted by mikes2k' date='Feb 10 2005, 11:35 AM
great stuff! On the flight home from the Super Bowl we passed around napkins letting everyone know the Eagles fight song would be sung at 6:05 PM exactly (18:05 to you Robbie)
....we befriended the hot flight attendant to appeal to the captain to make an announcement...HE DID ..and in unison a plane-full of sad Eagle fans sang the fight song one last time for the season Oh, and BTW, there are no colons in military time. simply 1805
02-10-2005, 08:08 AM
#7
Originally Posted by ACLR8' date='Feb 10 2005, 11:48 AM
That is seriously cool Mikey. I would have joined you in that song. I was very impressed with the Eagles and how they handled everything. Extremely professional.
Oh, and BTW, there are no colons in military time. simply 1805
Oh, and BTW, there are no colons in military time. simply 1805
For once we didn't make asses of ourselves and we as a whole were respectful Both plane rides were nuts though! DOH!
Sorry bout that Robbie...not much of a military guy here...I guess it shows
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02-10-2005, 08:26 AM
#8
Originally Posted by Superbabe' date='Feb 10 2005, 08:29 AM
There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of
this airplane"
All people that hate to fly would kill the pilot for saying something like this
this airplane"
All people that hate to fly would kill the pilot for saying something like this 
