An Octopus walks into a bar and says "I can play any musical instrument you like!"
An Englishman gives it a guitar which it plays better than Jimi Hendrix.
An Irishman gives it a piano which it plays better than Elton John.
A Scotsman throws it a set of bagpipes.
The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes without a sound from the bagpipes and Scotsman asks, " what's wrong, can ye not play it"? The octopus says, "Play It? I'm gonna f*** her brains out once I get her pajamas off!

 

I like it!

 

 

Little Johnny comes home from school early one day. He walks into kitchen looking for his mom. He can't find her and hears a noise coming from upstairs. He walks upstairs to his parent bedroom and finds his dad on top of mommy. Dad looks over at Johnny and say "son we are just playing rodeo!!!" So Johnny responds "I want to play too" Johnny climbs on the back of his dad when all of the sudden his mom lets out a LOUD moan!!! Johnny says "HOLD ON DADDY!!!! This is where me and the MAILMAN usually fall off!!!!"