You've probably heard this one, Mike:

A young, blonde woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. Just as she was about to jump, a handsome young sailor came by and saw her sobbing and tottering on the edge of the pier. Taking pity on her, he said, "Listen, no matter how bad things may seem, you have a lot to live for. I'm heading to Europe in the morning and, if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I promise I'll take very good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he put his arm around her and continued, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." Feeling she didn't have anything to lose, the blonde agreed to his suggestion. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, each night he brought her sandwiches and fruit and they made passionate love until dawn. During a routine inspection two weeks later, the ship's Captain discovered her. "What are you doing here?" he asked. "I have an arrangement with one of your sailors," she explained. "I get a trip to Europe and food and, in return, he's screwing me." "I guess he's screwing you, lady!" said the Captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry!"

 

I have heard it before but it is still funny.