TRANSLATING WOMEN'S ENGLISH
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me? = Too late; you're dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I hate my thighs
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like

TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I love you too = OK, I said it. Can we have sex now?
May I have this dance? = I would eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I would eventually like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I would eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I would eventually like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other men
You look tense; let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next 10 minutes
Let's talk = I'm trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you would like to have sex with me
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay

 

Forwarding...

 

Man smart women are smrter.

 

 

Let us put men and women together, see which one is smarter,
Some say men, but I say no, women got the men like a puppet show.

It ain't me it's the people that say, men are leading women astray,
I say, it's the women today, smarter than the men in every way,
That's right the women are smarter, the women are smarted that's right.

Little boy sitting in the corner and cry, big man come and ask him why,
He said "I can't do what the big boys do", the man sat down and he cried too.

It ain't me it's the people that say, men are leading women astray,
I say, it's the women today, smarter than the men in every way.
That's right the women are smarter, the women are smarted that's right

Ever since the world began women been imitating the ways of men,
But listen cause I've got a plan, give it up just don't try to understand.

It ain't me it's the people that say, men are leading women astray,
I say, it's the women today, smarter than the men in every way.
That's right the women are smarter, the women are smarted that's right.