DISPERSE

I WATCHED DISPERSE GET THEIR ASSES KICKED BY THE LAKERS!

 

tenjewberrymuj

 

A tellephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service in sunny California.

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest: "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow july den?"

Guest: ".....What??"

Room Service: "Ow july den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow july dee baykem? Crease?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes. July sahn toes?"

Guest: "I... don't think so."

Room Service: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

Room Service: "Toes! Toes!...Why joo don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...

Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

Room Service: "We bodder?"

Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

Room Service: "Wad?!?"

Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

Room Service: "Copy?"

Guest: "Excuse me?"

Room Service: "Copy...tea..meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

Room Service: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??"

Guest: "Whatever you say."

Room Service: "Tenjooberrymuds."

Guest: "You're welcome"

 

ICE

 

ICE? IridoCorneal Endothelial syndrome?

 

Immigration and Customs Enforcement

 

So, my dad needed some bodywork done on his old BMW. As it was, all the local places were quoting him near $5000 for the work. My buddy Nathan, who was working out at UC Davis at the time tells him, "Go see this guy Armando in Woodland."
"That's a helluva drive."
"It's worth it."

So, my dad calls Armando, and quotes him $1500 for the work, sight unseen. My dad, usually not a sucker, still figures that for $1500, he's not any worse for wear, and drives out there.

You have to imagine this. . . my dad, all 5'6" of him, wearing slacks, sport shirt, aviator glasses, hops out of a BMW.

All but one guy BOLTS away from the place. . . Armando pops out of the office, my dad introduces himself, Armando gives a whistle, and the shop returns to work.

A week later, I'd never seen an '89 325 look so good, although I personally was surprised they didn't try to throw some 15" gold Dayton wires on the thing. . .

 

That happens to me all the time when when I show up at sweatshops to do phase I site assessment inspections with a clipboard and a Nikon D70. Everyone hauls ass and the owner has to chase after them.

 

Do you ever get some discount handbags for Mrs. Raptor while you're there?

 

No, (just my luck) she doesn't do knockoffs.