Ole and Sven

Two Minnesotans walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird
section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem." The owner comes over and asks
if he can help them."Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little budgies in
dat cage up dere."says Sven. The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag.
Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Sven's pick-up
and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake.

At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks
like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his
shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way
to the bottom, killing himself dead. Looking down at the remains of his
best pal, Ole shakes his head and says: "By yumpin' yiminy, dis
budgie jumping is too dangerous for me."


VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!

Moments later Knute who's been to the pet shop too, arrives at the cliffs.
He walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag and a
shotgun.

"Hey, Ole. Vatch dis." Knute says. He takes a parrot from the bag and
throws himself over the edge of the cliff.

Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot
and continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks
every bone in his body. Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying
dat parrotshooting either."


BUT VAIT!!! Dere's MORE, you betcha!!

Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears.

He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag and pulls out a
chicken. Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, and
hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down and hits a rock
and breaks his spine.

Once more Ole shakes his head...."First der was Sven with his budgie
jumping, den Knute parrotshooting, and now Lars hengliding....."

 

 

:bueller:

:bueller:

:anyone:

 

:cricket:

 

 

Sven and Ole were fishing in a tiny little boat on a lake in northern Minnesota. Sven reached into his knapsack and pulled out a cigar. Then he asked Ole if he had a lighter. Ole: "Ya, sure, I tink I haff a lighter". Then he pulls out an enormous yellow 12-inch BIC lighter. Sven: "Yiminy Cricket, ver did you get dat monster?" Ole: "from my genie." Sven: "You haff a genie?" Ole "Ya, sure, I keep him in my tackle box." Sven: "Can I see?" Ole: "Ya, sure." Ole opens his tackle box and out comes this enormous genie. Sven looks up at the genie and says: "Hi, dere. I'm good friends vit yer master. I vas vondering if you vud grant me von vish." The genie said yes and Sven asked for a million bucks. At this point, the genie retreated back into Ole's tackle box and closed the lid behind him, leaving Sven sitting there wondering about his million bucks. Suddenly, an enormous flock of a million ducks flew overhead, blotting out the sun. Sven looked at Ole and said: "I said a million bucks, not ducks." Ole: "Ya, von ting I fergot to tell yew, the genie is a little hard of hearing. Yew really tink I ask him for a 12-inch BIC?"

 

Erik and Per went to go Ice Fishing dontchaknow. They went down to this nice patch of ice, set up the ice-house, and started cuttin into the ice.

<When I tell the joke in person, I have a really bitchin' Ice-Drilling sound. I'd normally put that here.>

Then all of the sudden, Erik and Per heard a loud voice from above,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!"

Erik and Per stopped, glanced around, and kept turning the corkscrew.
<Insert Ice Sound Here>

Then again from above, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!"

"Dat you Per?"
"No Erik, dat you?"
"No."

And they kept turning the screw. . . and again, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!"

"Dat you Erik?"
"No Per, dat you?"
"No Erik. . . " Per stares at Erik, they both stare out of the ice house and yell, "DAT YOU GOD?"

"NO, THIS THE OWNER OF THE ICE RINK. WILL YOU TWO DUMB NORGIES GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE?"

 

Man I would need a few days to read all that....

 

Well, you better get started.

 

Cliff notes?