The Corner House of Whores and Monkeys. Enter for Fun & Shenanigans! We're weird here. In the most awesome way possible.

This is why I broke up with my last gf

Thread Tools
 
Old Feb 4, 2005 | 10:48 AM
  #1  
S2020's Avatar
Thread Starter
Member (Premium)
20 Year Member
Liked
Loved
 
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 112,963
Likes: 150
From: Doh!!
Default This is why I broke up with my last gf

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either.
Reply
Old Feb 4, 2005 | 10:50 AM
  #2  
BFAmazon35's Avatar
Registered User
 
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,491
Likes: 0
From: Brooklyn
Default

That is priceless !!!!!!

Reply
Old Feb 4, 2005 | 10:53 AM
  #3  
Gink5's Avatar
Registered User
 
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,620
Likes: 0
From: Newtown,PA
Default

Women. << is that a sentence? (subject, verb, object) yup think it is.
Reply
Old Feb 4, 2005 | 10:56 AM
  #4  
revhi's Avatar
Gold Member (Premium)
 
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 8,831
Likes: 2
From: Used Jersey
Default

omfg. Thats great.
Reply
Old Feb 4, 2005 | 11:00 AM
  #5  
jedwards's Avatar
20 Year Member
Liked
 
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 28,318
Likes: 9
From: This is not my house!
Default



Reply
Old Feb 4, 2005 | 11:37 AM
  #6  
zdave87's Avatar
Member
Member (Premium)
20 Year Member
Liked
Loved
Community Favorite
 
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 82,468
Likes: 1,193
Default

Reply
Old Feb 4, 2005 | 11:39 AM
  #7  
WestSideBilly's Avatar
20 Year Member
Liked
Loved
Community Favorite
 
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 93,305
Likes: 820
From: Nowhere
Default

Reply
Old Feb 4, 2005 | 11:47 AM
  #8  
The Raptor's Avatar
Gold Member (Premium)
20 Year Member
Community Builder
Active Streak: 30 Days
Liked
 
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 59,375
Likes: 1,618
From: La Crescenta, CA
Default

Good one, Ninh.
Reply
Old Feb 4, 2005 | 12:38 PM
  #9  
NikePenguin's Avatar
Registered User
 
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 38,617
Likes: 1
Default

You were dating RC?!?
Reply
Old Feb 4, 2005 | 12:40 PM
  #10  
PeaceLove&S2K's Avatar
20 Year Member
 
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 19,257
Likes: 19
From: San Diego, CA
Default

Reply



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 03:37 PM.