Too funny not to post!
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Too funny not to post!
I just got this e-mail (and I forwarded it to some of you) but I couldn't resist and had to post it!!
MIAMI ROAD RULES
Basic Rules for Driving in Miami
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Miami driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered going with the flow.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs
6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange and white barricades.
7. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Florida is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
8. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the Miami area during rush hour.
11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Miami driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Miami
13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
14. Learn to swerve abruptly. Miami is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the DOT, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
15. It is traditional in Miami to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
16. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
17. Remember that the goal of every Miami driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
18. In the Miami area flipping someone the bird is considered a Florida salute. This gesture should always be returned.
MIAMI ROAD RULES
Basic Rules for Driving in Miami
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Miami driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered going with the flow.
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
5. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will inevitably result in you being rear-ended. If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs
6. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange and white barricades.
7. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Florida is a no-fault insurance state and the other guy doesn't have anything to lose.
8. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the Miami area during rush hour.
11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Miami driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Miami
13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
14. Learn to swerve abruptly. Miami is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the DOT, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
15. It is traditional in Miami to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
16. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
17. Remember that the goal of every Miami driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
18. In the Miami area flipping someone the bird is considered a Florida salute. This gesture should always be returned.
Registered User
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 1,162
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From: West Palm Beach
19. Posted 65MPH means you MUST drive at least that speed no matter the current road conditions, even if it means using the shoulder to pass all those chumps stuck in traffic.
20. All emergency vehicles are to be considered road plows, they come around to clear a path just for you when you are stuck in traffic. Drivers are to tail them no further back than 3 feet.
Where's the joke? These are the actual laws that all Miami drivers are obligated to abide by. They pass this list out at all Dade DMV offices.
Truth be told, the Miami drivers were the single biggest reason I came to Palm Beach. Old and slow is much more tolerable than "get the $%# out of my way or I will kill you and your family!!" My life expectency tripled, too.
20. All emergency vehicles are to be considered road plows, they come around to clear a path just for you when you are stuck in traffic. Drivers are to tail them no further back than 3 feet.
Where's the joke? These are the actual laws that all Miami drivers are obligated to abide by. They pass this list out at all Dade DMV offices.
Truth be told, the Miami drivers were the single biggest reason I came to Palm Beach. Old and slow is much more tolerable than "get the $%# out of my way or I will kill you and your family!!" My life expectency tripled, too.
Banned
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 596
Likes: 0
From: Miami
AMEN JARED!!! Reason number 2 I left Miami. The first was it was too expensive to keep the horses in our back yard. The neighbors kept calling animal control on us. Hey, I didn't see any ordinance that said we couldn't keep 7 horses on a zero lot line, did you?
Only prob with PB Cty though, is those old people that live on Palm Beach driving those Bentleys and Rolls going down the one way street the WRONG WAY!!!! Reason number 1 I don't work on the island anymore........
Only prob with PB Cty though, is those old people that live on Palm Beach driving those Bentleys and Rolls going down the one way street the WRONG WAY!!!! Reason number 1 I don't work on the island anymore........
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Originally posted by xpander4
Damn, they need to make a list like this about any city in colombia.....that would be out of control
Damn, they need to make a list like this about any city in colombia.....that would be out of control
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Banned
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 511
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From: South Florida
Here our some add-ons from my job.
19. Miami tow trucks with obscure names and 2 or more occupants typically serve as "vehicle liberators". These vehicles may be conveniently reclaimed at the Port of Miami.
20. A Miami driver recognizes that it is far more efficient to unload a passenger by stopping and blocking traffic in the right lane rather than pulling into a designated driveway.
21. It's late at night, a vehicle cruises down the street with its lights off. It is:
a) A drunk who's forgotten to switch his vehicle lights on
b) A criminal seeking to avoid the eyes of the law
c) A young punk driving along in his recently purchased method of transportation
d) The remaining staff at SLB's Miami office relocating some of the office equipment
22. While driving in Miami, If you show me your gun I'll definitely show you mine
23. The definition of someone that's over 70:
a) You're retired
b) You live in Century Village
c) You're a member of AARP
d) You drive in the left lane, below the speed limit, and only during daylight hours
24. The driver ahead of you is noticeably causing a traffic backup by driving slowly. You pass them on the right, glance at them and find:
a) Someone chatting on their cellphone, waving their arms around as if in a heated conversation
b) Someone reading a newspaper on their way to work
c) A woman putting on her "face"
d) A white-knuckled, steering-wheel-hugging, terrified open-mouthed driver that's wondering if 36 mph is too fast to drive
e) In Miami, all of the above
25. In Miami, why stop to change a flat tire when you can just as easily drive around on that layer of cushy rubber between the rim and the street?
26. In Miami, stopping at a red light will guarantee:
a) Your safety incase cross-traffic isn't exactly following the rules of the road
b) You'll have some time to tune to another radio station
c) You can make that quick call to your friend
d) Some bum or flyer person will be a knockin' on your window asking for something, or handing out something you don't want
19. Miami tow trucks with obscure names and 2 or more occupants typically serve as "vehicle liberators". These vehicles may be conveniently reclaimed at the Port of Miami.
20. A Miami driver recognizes that it is far more efficient to unload a passenger by stopping and blocking traffic in the right lane rather than pulling into a designated driveway.
21. It's late at night, a vehicle cruises down the street with its lights off. It is:
a) A drunk who's forgotten to switch his vehicle lights on
b) A criminal seeking to avoid the eyes of the law
c) A young punk driving along in his recently purchased method of transportation
d) The remaining staff at SLB's Miami office relocating some of the office equipment
22. While driving in Miami, If you show me your gun I'll definitely show you mine
23. The definition of someone that's over 70:
a) You're retired
b) You live in Century Village
c) You're a member of AARP
d) You drive in the left lane, below the speed limit, and only during daylight hours
24. The driver ahead of you is noticeably causing a traffic backup by driving slowly. You pass them on the right, glance at them and find:
a) Someone chatting on their cellphone, waving their arms around as if in a heated conversation
b) Someone reading a newspaper on their way to work
c) A woman putting on her "face"
d) A white-knuckled, steering-wheel-hugging, terrified open-mouthed driver that's wondering if 36 mph is too fast to drive
e) In Miami, all of the above
25. In Miami, why stop to change a flat tire when you can just as easily drive around on that layer of cushy rubber between the rim and the street?
26. In Miami, stopping at a red light will guarantee:
a) Your safety incase cross-traffic isn't exactly following the rules of the road
b) You'll have some time to tune to another radio station
c) You can make that quick call to your friend
d) Some bum or flyer person will be a knockin' on your window asking for something, or handing out something you don't want
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