An old man hadn't been able to hear for years. He finally went to see a doctor, who diagnosed the problem and restored his hearing. A month later the man returned for a follow-up.
"Your family must really be happy you can hear again, " the doctor said.
"Oh I haven't told my family yet," the man said. "I just sit around and listen to them talk. So far I've changed my will three times."

 

That's pretty good.

 

A redneck went into a drug store to buy some condoms. He said "hey doc I need some protection." The pharmacists said "what kind of protection do you need sir?" The redneck replied, "I am going to have a good time tonight." The pharamicists replied back saying, "this three pack of condoms will be $4.99 plus taxes." The redneck replied, "gosh dawg what do I need tacks for I thought they stayed on by themselves!"

 

 

 

Only in America...... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

 

What's six inches long, has a bald head and drives blondes crazy?































A hundred-dollar bill.

 

How does a blonde turn a light on after sex?





















Opens the car door.

 

A blonde is driving down the highway when she sees another blonde in a row boat in the middle of a field on the side of the highway rowing away. So, she pulls the car over, gets out, and yell "It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out their and kick your A$$."

At least I thought it was funny.

 

Baseball is totally unrealistic. A man who has 4 balls can't walk.