I'm not going through my whole inbox, but will at least put the stuff up from this morning.


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Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I told her,
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on
some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."

Then she got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of my beer.


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The Wash Cloth



(There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this)





I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the



afternoon and that morning I received a call from the doctor's office



to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30am.

I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was



already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes,



so I didn't have time to spare. As most woman do I like to take a little



extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't



going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off



my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash "in that area" to make sure I was at least presentable.

I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped



in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for



only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as



I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side



of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a



million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we



have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.



After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of



the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school



when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom,



"Mommy, where's my washcloth?"

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink,



it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

 

No Speaka da English

At a bus stop two Italian men got on.

They sat down and engaged in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention
is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed, sex-obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our
sex lives."

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex?

I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi!"

I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!