8D went to the Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening he had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of his patented "you're definitely going to shit yourself" roadkill chili. He had awakened that morning and despite habanera peppers swimming their way through his intestinal tract, he was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred as "thunder and lightning." Knowing that a time of reckoning Had to come, yet not sure of just when, 8D set off for Home Depot. Upon entering the store, he and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until he was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit him. The habaneros in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines. There he stood, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud, afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape him. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of 8D's body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if he needed any help. 8D stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate. He watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made 8D feel terrible, but then made him laugh.

Big mistake! When you laugh, it's hard to keep things "clamped down."With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from 8D's nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. Suddenly,he raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that he'd make it before the grand mal explosion took place. Just in the nick of time he got to the john and began the inevitable floating above the toilet seat because his ass is burning so bad! One poor fellow walked in while 8D was in the middle of what is the true meaning of "Shock and Awe." He made a gagging sound and disgustedly said "Sonofabitch, did it smell that bad when you ate It? Once 8D finished ,a store employee approached him and said "Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem." 8D's smirking of course set him off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff and jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at him in an accusing manner, shouted "I'ts you!" Moments later the store manager unceremoniously escorted 8D from the premises and he was asked none too kindly not to return.

 

 

 

I'd love to know if this is really possible from 1 man. If so... I'd like a meal description of what he had eaten... Lol.

 

 

"8D's smirking of course set him off again, causing residual gases to escape me." - its you?!

 

I knew it was 8D!!!

 

No, it was just a typo as he was telling the story 8D was hoping to keep buried in the anals of history.

 

i could barely finish reading it because my eyes were full of tears from laughing so hard....funny shit...no pun intended

 

That's why I now shop at Lowe's.

If you'd like a story that's the God's-honest-truth, read about my trip to Taco Bravo:

https://www.s2ki.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=627643