Any musicians on this site?
Former Moderator
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 16,175
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From: Erock is da shizzle
Guitar 17 years
Ibanez Jem 777
Ibanez JS2000
Ibanez S470
Washbun N4
Charvel Custom
PRS CE24 Whale Blue
Yamaha 6 String Acoustic
Taylor 6 String Acoustic
Yamaha 12 String Acoustic
Fender Twin
Marshal JCM
Pod
Ibanez Bass
Piano 19 years
Korg Triton
Juno 6
Yamaha PSR something
I also play a little drums, a little Violin, and can play a mean ukeliaie ( can't spell it though )
Recording gear
Sonar
Cubase
Behringer DDX3216
Art Tube Pac
FMR RNC Compressor
Focusrite Red 1 Preamap
Alesis Quadraverb
Studio Project C1
Shure 57's and 58's
and just way more crap
Ibanez Jem 777
Ibanez JS2000
Ibanez S470
Washbun N4
Charvel Custom
PRS CE24 Whale Blue
Yamaha 6 String Acoustic
Taylor 6 String Acoustic
Yamaha 12 String Acoustic
Fender Twin
Marshal JCM
Pod
Ibanez Bass
Piano 19 years
Korg Triton
Juno 6
Yamaha PSR something
I also play a little drums, a little Violin, and can play a mean ukeliaie ( can't spell it though )
Recording gear
Sonar
Cubase
Behringer DDX3216
Art Tube Pac
FMR RNC Compressor
Focusrite Red 1 Preamap
Alesis Quadraverb
Studio Project C1
Shure 57's and 58's
and just way more crap
Moderator
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 109,425
Likes: 1,648
From: SJC
I graduated with a B.M.Ed. from PLU ('97). So, I play a few instruments. . .
Horn player for 20 years - I've had the Conn 8D for 15 of them (probably getting an Atkinson sometime next year).
Keys/Piano for 17 years - I have a Baldwin Studio upright at home. I also have a Roland JX-1 for doodling.
Trumpet/Cornet - yeah, whenever - my pride and joy is an antique (playable!) Besson Cornet (with all the key change crooks).
Bass (3-4 years) - Fender Jazz - My amp is an EQ stomp box going to a DI. . . This is what happens when they find out you can read Bass Clef and hand you the gig.
Guitar for 2 years - Breedlove (in the sig). I also have a generic Fender Strat on long-term loan. I'm shopping for an Epi Dot or Gibson 335 presently.
After a 13-year hiatus, I'm in a rock band again. . . God help us all.
http://www.downcows.com/
Horn player for 20 years - I've had the Conn 8D for 15 of them (probably getting an Atkinson sometime next year).
Keys/Piano for 17 years - I have a Baldwin Studio upright at home. I also have a Roland JX-1 for doodling.
Trumpet/Cornet - yeah, whenever - my pride and joy is an antique (playable!) Besson Cornet (with all the key change crooks).
Bass (3-4 years) - Fender Jazz - My amp is an EQ stomp box going to a DI. . . This is what happens when they find out you can read Bass Clef and hand you the gig.
Guitar for 2 years - Breedlove (in the sig). I also have a generic Fender Strat on long-term loan. I'm shopping for an Epi Dot or Gibson 335 presently.
After a 13-year hiatus, I'm in a rock band again. . . God help us all.
http://www.downcows.com/
Registered User
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 2,557
Likes: 0
From: Huntsville
Originally Posted by 8D_In_Trunk,Oct 13 2005, 04:22 PM
Horn player for 20 years - I've had the Conn 8D for 15 of them (probably getting an Atkinson sometime next year).
I had a Conn nickel/silver horn, may have been an 8D. (Does that sound right? It's been too long.)Other instruments I've played but didn't keep up:
Mellophone (French horn shaped like a trumpet for marching band)
Piano (whatever mom owned)
Electric bass guitar (cheap Peavy)
Acoustic guitar (Sigma???)
Alto sax (brand unknown)
I would have liked to have stuck with the sax. Had to borrow it from my younger cousin when he quit the band, and I took some lessons in college. Unfortunately, I had to give it back when his sister decided she wanted to play in the band. Since I was a broke college student, I couldn't find another sax that I could afford, so I gave it up.
My 12 year old daughter picked up the guitar about a year ago. She just made the jazz band at her school.
I'm very proud!I can hold a tune when singing, and had a lot of solo parts in my church choir growing up. Now I just belt out the tunes in the car with the top down while people give me funny looks.
Registered User
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 16,702
Likes: 0
From: █ SF, CA █
How many jazz guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
100. 1 to change it & 99 to complain that it's electric.
What's the difference between a country guitarist dead in the road & a
jazz trombonist
dead in the road?
The country guitarist was probably on his way to a gig.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. She just stands there and the world revolves around her.
Why is a 'cello better than a viola?
'Cello burns longer.
How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to do it, and four to say "I coulda dun dat."
What's the difference between a double bass and a coffin?
With a coffin, the dead guy's on the inside.
How long does it take to tune a hammered dulcimer?
Nobody knows.
What's the best sort of tipper to use to play a bodhran?
An open pocket-knife.
What happens if you play country music backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out
of prison.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?
Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
"To be, or not to be" -Shakespeare
"To be is to do" -Voltaire
"Tuba or not tuba" -Sousa
"Do be do be do" -Sinatra
"Do be a do bee" -Miss Molly
Q. What do you call a girl that thinks only of classical music?
A. A symphomaniac
Q. What are the similarities between a violist's fingers and lightning?
A. 1. You never know when they will fall.
2. You never know where they will fall.
3. They never fall twice at the same place.
Musician jokes (in score order)
How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.
What's the definition of a minor second?
Two oboists playing in perfect unison.
What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up an oboe.
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital.
Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicapped zones.
What is "perfect pitch?"
When you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim.
What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
You can tune a lawn mower, and the neighbors are upset if you borrow a
lawn mower
and don't return it.
If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an
in-tune
tenor sax player, an out of tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
The out of tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate you are
hallucinating.
How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?
Add vibrato.
How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb, and the other four to tell him how much better
they could've done it.
How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombonist's car?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?
"Year-at-a-glance"
What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead trombonist
in the road?
Skid marks in front of the snake.
What's the range of a tuba?
About twenty yards, if you have a good arm.
What's a tuba for?
1-1/2" by 3-1/2".
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
What does a timpanist say when he gets to work?
"Would you like fries with that, sir?"
What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
Drool.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."
How can you tell when a drummer is at your door?
The knock speeds up, slows down, speeds up, slows down.....
How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
Give him music to read.
How long does a harp stay in tune?
About twenty minutes, or until someone opens the door.
How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
The bow is moving.
Why is a violinist like a scud missile?
Both are offensive and inaccurate.
What do violists use for birth control?
Their personalities.
How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
Sit in the back and don't play.
What's the difference between a violist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Did you hear about the violist who bragged he could play 32nd notes? The
rest of the
orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one.
Why are violins smaller than violas?
They really are the same size, but the violinists' heads are bigger.
What's the difference between violists and terrorists?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
How do you make a cello sound beautiful?
Sell it and buy a violin.
Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So you don't have to re-train the cellists.
Why did the string bass player get mad at the timpanist?
He turned a peg and wouldn't tell him which one.
One string bass player was so bad, even his section noticed.
How many string bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.
How do you put a twinkle in a soprano's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
How can you tell when a soprano is at your door?
She can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.
How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they can't get up that high.
If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end...
it would be a good idea.
Where's a tenor's resonance?
Where his brain should be.
What do you call ten baritones at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
What's the definition of a male quartet?
Three men and a tenor.
If you drop a conductor and a watermelon off a tall building, which will hit
the ground first?
Who cares?
What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer?
The sack.
What's the definition of an optimist?
A choral director with a mortgage.
Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants?
They've had so little use.
A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. "I'm
sorry, he's dead," comes the reply. The musician calls back 25 times,
always getting the same reply form the receptionist. At last she asks
him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it."
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To get away from the sound.
How many sound men does it take to change a lightbulb?
"One, two, three; one, two, three."
What's the definition of a gentleman?
One who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.
What's the definition of an optimist?
An accordion player with a pager.
How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn
would have done it.
How do you get a violist to play down bow staccato?
Put a tenuto mark over a whole note and mark it "solo."
What's the best recording of the Walton Viola Concerto?
"Music Minus One"
How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?
Write "pp, espressivo" on the music.
What's the difference between a soprano and the PLO?
You can negotiate with the PLO.
Why can't Pee Wee Herman be a drummer ?
Because he's beat off..............................
100. 1 to change it & 99 to complain that it's electric.
What's the difference between a country guitarist dead in the road & a
jazz trombonist
dead in the road?
The country guitarist was probably on his way to a gig.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. She just stands there and the world revolves around her.
Why is a 'cello better than a viola?
'Cello burns longer.
How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to do it, and four to say "I coulda dun dat."
What's the difference between a double bass and a coffin?
With a coffin, the dead guy's on the inside.
How long does it take to tune a hammered dulcimer?
Nobody knows.
What's the best sort of tipper to use to play a bodhran?
An open pocket-knife.
What happens if you play country music backwards?
Your wife returns to you, your dog comes back to life, and you get out
of prison.
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
New Age music.
What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?
Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.
"To be, or not to be" -Shakespeare
"To be is to do" -Voltaire
"Tuba or not tuba" -Sousa
"Do be do be do" -Sinatra
"Do be a do bee" -Miss Molly
Q. What do you call a girl that thinks only of classical music?
A. A symphomaniac
Q. What are the similarities between a violist's fingers and lightning?
A. 1. You never know when they will fall.
2. You never know where they will fall.
3. They never fall twice at the same place.
Musician jokes (in score order)
How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.
What's the definition of a minor second?
Two oboists playing in perfect unison.
What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up an oboe.
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital.
Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicapped zones.
What is "perfect pitch?"
When you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim.
What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
You can tune a lawn mower, and the neighbors are upset if you borrow a
lawn mower
and don't return it.
If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an
in-tune
tenor sax player, an out of tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
The out of tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate you are
hallucinating.
How do you make a chain saw sound like a baritone sax?
Add vibrato.
How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb, and the other four to tell him how much better
they could've done it.
How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play all the wrong notes.
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombonist's car?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?
"Year-at-a-glance"
What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead trombonist
in the road?
Skid marks in front of the snake.
What's the range of a tuba?
About twenty yards, if you have a good arm.
What's a tuba for?
1-1/2" by 3-1/2".
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
What does a timpanist say when he gets to work?
"Would you like fries with that, sir?"
What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
Drool.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."
How can you tell when a drummer is at your door?
The knock speeds up, slows down, speeds up, slows down.....
How do you get a rhythm guitarist to play softer?
Give him music to read.
How long does a harp stay in tune?
About twenty minutes, or until someone opens the door.
How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
The bow is moving.
Why is a violinist like a scud missile?
Both are offensive and inaccurate.
What do violists use for birth control?
Their personalities.
How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
Sit in the back and don't play.
What's the difference between a violist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Did you hear about the violist who bragged he could play 32nd notes? The
rest of the
orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one.
Why are violins smaller than violas?
They really are the same size, but the violinists' heads are bigger.
What's the difference between violists and terrorists?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
How do you make a cello sound beautiful?
Sell it and buy a violin.
Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So you don't have to re-train the cellists.
Why did the string bass player get mad at the timpanist?
He turned a peg and wouldn't tell him which one.
One string bass player was so bad, even his section noticed.
How many string bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.
How do you put a twinkle in a soprano's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
How can you tell when a soprano is at your door?
She can't find the key, and doesn't know when to come in.
How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they can't get up that high.
If you took all the tenors in the world and laid them end to end...
it would be a good idea.
Where's a tenor's resonance?
Where his brain should be.
What do you call ten baritones at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
What's the definition of a male quartet?
Three men and a tenor.
If you drop a conductor and a watermelon off a tall building, which will hit
the ground first?
Who cares?
What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer?
The sack.
What's the definition of an optimist?
A choral director with a mortgage.
Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants?
They've had so little use.
A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. "I'm
sorry, he's dead," comes the reply. The musician calls back 25 times,
always getting the same reply form the receptionist. At last she asks
him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it."
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
To get away from the sound.
How many sound men does it take to change a lightbulb?
"One, two, three; one, two, three."
What's the definition of a gentleman?
One who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.
What's the definition of an optimist?
An accordion player with a pager.
How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn
would have done it.
How do you get a violist to play down bow staccato?
Put a tenuto mark over a whole note and mark it "solo."
What's the best recording of the Walton Viola Concerto?
"Music Minus One"
How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?
Write "pp, espressivo" on the music.
What's the difference between a soprano and the PLO?
You can negotiate with the PLO.
Why can't Pee Wee Herman be a drummer ?
Because he's beat off..............................
Moderator
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 109,425
Likes: 1,648
From: SJC
What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
On the bull, the Horns are in front and the
hole is in back.
What's the difference between a flute player and a Porsche?
The trumpet section has never been in a Porsche.
If a violist is in the middle of the forest, and no one is around to hear them play. . . who cares?
I had an accordion in the passenger seat of my S. Some clown cut the soft top and threw another accordion in on top of it.
On the bull, the Horns are in front and the
hole is in back.What's the difference between a flute player and a Porsche?
The trumpet section has never been in a Porsche.
If a violist is in the middle of the forest, and no one is around to hear them play. . . who cares?
I had an accordion in the passenger seat of my S. Some clown cut the soft top and threw another accordion in on top of it.
Registered User
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 16,702
Likes: 0
From: █ SF, CA █
Originally Posted by 8D_In_Trunk,Oct 14 2005, 01:13 PM
I had an accordion in the passenger seat of my S. Some clown cut the soft top and threw another accordion in on top of it.