First joke editted for content at the punch line. THEOLDMAN
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A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.
The minister said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted
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Kitty Accident
I was driving my car down a side street the other day when all of a
sudden this cat jumped out in front of me. I hit the brakes, but I heard
a thump, so I stopped. There was the cat lying right in the road. It
was still alive, but I apparently had run over its tail and the force of
the tire had cut it off. A lady came running out of a house screaming,
"You killed my cat!!" I told her, "No, he's O. K., except for the tail,
and I'll fix that." I went into the trunk of my car and got out a roll
of duct tape and taped the cat's tail back on. The lady immediately
blushed and called the cops. A cop showed up and immediately gave me a ticket. Boy, was I pissed off. I had to go to court, and was convicted. What a bummer!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All for retailing pussy in a residential area....
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CANNIBALS
A big corporation recently hired several cannibals.
"You are all part of our team now", said the HR rep during the welcoming
briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the
cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other
employees." The cannibals promised they would not.Four weeks later their
boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm quite satisfied
with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you
know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads no.
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals asked the others,
"Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand raised hesitantly,
to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool!!! For four
weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, but
noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!"
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A lesson in Posting:

How many group posters does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

53 to flame the spell checkers

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ...

another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"

109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped

111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....