Whats the best damn joke you have ever heard?

-- Aaron

 

one of the best I know of is:

Q: How does Bill Gates change a lightbulb?

A: He doesn't. He redefines Darkness™ as the industry standard

 

OK....you guys asked for it!


______________________
The husband emerged from the bathroom naked, and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache."

"Perfect," the husband said.

I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin.

You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you.

 

Young guy is getting married. Night before, his buddies throw him a bachelor party. He proceeds to get stinko drunk and on the way home runs his car into a ditch and totals it. When he comes to in the emergency roon, the presiding physician standing over him says "You're really lucky. Other than a few bumps ond bruises, all you did was break your dick. We're going to have to put it in a splint." He says "No, no, I'm getting married tomorrow and going on my honeymoon." The doctor says "You broke your dick" and wraps it up with four tongue depressors and adhesive tape.

The next day he gets married and flies off to his honeymoon in Maui. He and his bride are esconced in the plush bridal suite of a luxury hotel right on the beach. They're tired, it's been a long day, and they're getting ready for bed. He married this beautiful, beautiful virginal lady. She pulls her top off and says "See those breasts, untouched by male hands." She pulls down her pants and says "See that, unseen by male eyes." He pulls his pants down and says "See that, still in the crate."

 

Two MIDGETS friends decide one boring night to go into the city to look for Hookers. The Midgets finally found one for each of them and takes them back to their apartment. One takes one of the hooker to one room, and the other Midget takes the other Hooker to another.
One of the Midgets gets undressed while the hooker is completely naked and waiting, and realizes that he can't GET IT UP! Through out the whole night he just couldn't get it up while in the mean time, he could hear his midget friend in the other room: "1-2-3...UUuhhhh!!!, 1-2-3.....UUuhhhh!!!"
The next morning when the Midgets see each other, the one that couldn't get it up tells the other "Damn, last night was horrible. I COULDN'T GET IT UP!!!!!!!!"
The other Midget that made all the noise then replies: " You think that's bad, I couldn't even get on the bed!!!!!!!!"

 

two fish in a tank, and one turns to the other and asks "you know how to drive this thing?"