If this is serious, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship with her. Her drinking may be due to unhappiness on her part; her communication with her ex is a prime example of non closure and her still harboring some feelings for him; and the fact that she doesn't take your concerns seriously is a lack of respect towards you.

I don't think your love is being reciprocated, in which case you need to move on before you become more hurt. There are plenty of women out there who will appreciate a good man, so keep looking.

 

Well there goes the looks and any near future sexy time, why do you love this girl again?

 

This relationship has codependency written all over it. OP, what's your relationship with your mom look like?

 

sounds like the typical Loveline story.. where's Dr. Drew when you need him.

 

I was going to suggest that he punch her in the throat, but I went with the funny first.

 

Ummmm, run. Run very far and ignore your feelings. If she's living with the child's father and is committed to him, she isn't texting you as anything more than a friend. If she's living with the child's father and isn't committed to him, what makes you think she'd be committed to you? Either way, it's a bad scene.

You're young. Options are virtually limitless. Find a way to get over her or you're in for major drama.

 

well, i agree this has codependency all over it...on your part though, from what you describe she's an alcoholic. in all honesty i ruined a marriage because of the same thing, finally she had enough of my bullshit and she left. the selfishness and alot of other things are all part of the disease. AA and NA have worked wonders for me i been clean almost 3 yrs, and since she got a dui she'll have to go to meetings as a part of her sentence.
as far as the ex goes, ask her if she called him or not, if you dont believe her (since you're codependent you will )head for the hills

 

Sometimes alcoholism is the core issue, sometimes alcohol is a way to deal with other unresolved issues (perhaps codependency, abuse, unrelenting emotional or other pain, etc.); sometimes it starts as one thing for whatever reason, then a second or third thing also develops. If they're a part of a person's life for long enough, codependency, alcoholism or whatever other 'isms' are involved become intertwined.

It is almost inevitable that a person attracted to someone with such problems is carrying at least related problems of their own.

In any case, you've each got to help yourself first. If you're dealing honestly with your issues, and she is dealing honestly with her issues, that's a start.

 

She may be ready to address her drinking and she might not. If she's mandated to go to AA this may not be helpful if A) she's not ready to change/accept responsibility or B) the abstinence approach doesn't fit well with her. If she is willing to work hard at tackling her addiction, she'll appreciate you sticking by her for support. However, as many others have said, you need to be careful about the land of co-dependency. Educate yourself about addiction (including abstinence vs. harm reduction approaches) and decide whether you are willing to be a part of this picture still and what that will mean for you personally. Addiction is a messy thing and if you let it, it can literally tear your life apart. It's hard not to think with your heart/penis because you've been with her for a significant period, but if you want a positive outcome you need to step back and be objective. Above all, be honest with yourself. If your gut says run, run. If your gut says run but then says stay, you STILL need to run.
As far as her ex goes, maintaining contact with an ex usually continues either because of codependency (perhaps he was a kind of caretaker while she drank like you've been doing?) or because feelings remain between the two people. You already know which it is.

 

You have been with her a year and she still talks to the ex? Then he is still smashing. You can't turn a hoe into a house wife. Dipp out and find a good church going girl who gets bad with her boyfriend.


#NBHNC