IMHO, and again, only IMHO.....

Ask yourself this question...how come there are MILLIONS of people graduating from business school each year, and only a handful of good business men? The answer is simple....business is a "people person" profession, and in my years of experience, Ive learned on thing....you CANNOT teach someone to do what you are looking for. Its not to say it cant be done, but the "knowing the right thing to say right away, being sharp" is a skill. Some people have it, some people dont. Business school does NOT teach you this.

First of all, you have to be very good with people. It should be almost IMPOSSIBLE to anger you.

For instance, in a customer/manager situation....

Here is an extreme example, remember, its just an example, so dont take offense, ready?

Me (customer) you manager....

Me: your screename is stupid, you car is riced out, your parents are deadbeats, you have no life because you post too much on s2ki, you have too many pics in your sig, and you are generally, ugly.

So now, after you heard this, you must be able to control yourself, and act like I just said you have a nice watch. Most people that I have encountered in business suffer from this one critical aspect of their personality. They are unable to separate their emotions from the situation. This is why very few people can become good businessmen or litigators.

So, again, IMHO, you cannot teach someone this skill. You have to train yourself if you dont have it. If you get easily wound up, learn to "woosaaah" and control it. Learn to put bad situation in delicate verbal terms. Telling your boss she wears too much makeup would be great practice. Most likely, she wears too much mascara and eye shadow....tell her she has really nice eyes, and the makeup hides it...(depending on your relationship with her of course)

To best train yourself, deal with people close to you. When your girlfriend is upset, see how fast/well you can calm her down. See how fast you can distract your friend who just cracked his new carbon fiber lip on a steep driveway. This is the ONLY way you can learn. Communications classes are like a pro on s2ki telling you over the internet proper techniques for autocross, while it is a little helpful, its nothing like him sitting with you and driving with you. Problem in a classroom is, the professor has to talk to people of varying people skills, and in that sense, it is too general. If possible, work for someone who is GOOD at what they do, and they are someone you aspire to be.

 

The last interesting management training I had was on Myers-Briggs personality types and how we each communicate differently. It helped a little in understanding why so-and-so acts like a dick...

 

I once read somewhere that the best communicators are brutally honest without being brutal. Great advice by all above particularly: (1) speak less, listen more, (2) read a few books on the subject, (3) keep an open mind as you can learn things from everyone. Coincidentally, I had breakfast just this morning with a client. He is a serious stutterer, can't cleanly string two sentences together to save his life. Guess what he does for a living? He's a motivation speaker, does about 150 bookings a year nationwide. He was fired from his very first job as an accountant, told that he couldn't communicate well enough. His response to this day is that his communication skills are superior, he just has a speech impediment. He has a world series ring as a pitcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 60s, founded, built and sold a very successful CPA firm, routinely makes 7 figures a year and has a substantial real estate portfolio. A true inspiration.

 

I agree with NFRs2000NYC, people skill is not something that can be easily taught. I think its safe to assume that its kinda of like having "game" to talk with women while some guys can easily do this (and some think they can) its quite difficult for others. My best friend has some major people skills, like this kid can sell ice to eskimos and they would not feel like they got jacked, he handles employees better than most managers above him, and handles customer relations very well, and is liked by many here in our community as a good person and hard worker. Like 8 Balls client my friend to has speech problems pronouncing words and at times reading and writing but still has nothing to do with his relations with managers, employees, and customers. One example was when i tried to exchange a product with a store and they declined to do so for me the following day he went in talked to the same person and got me a exchange I was like WTF?? The only problem is that he could go far in business but he has a lack of education (dropped out as a freshman in H.S.) and its his personality and determination to get things done that has carried him.

 

Everything I know I learned from my Dad since I was 4.. I too believe that you're either a natural at it or your not.. sure you can learn to listen, there are lots of tips and tricks you can learn that can make you effective.. but it's a natural talent IMO..

One general principal is to learn to see things from both points of view, in an instance of disagreement, you will not be able to difuse the situation if you don't comepletly understand where the other party is coming from..

That and go watch Glen Gary, Glenn Ross... lots of do's and don'ts in that movie.

 

I have no tact... I learned that in a meeting that the General Contractor's Project Manager called with regional V.P., district V.P., regional director of Engineering, regional director of Purchasing and to top things off the National VP of engineering. He had all of these people fly up from the regional office of Holiday Inn to my Hotel because I wasn't polite and told him to either do it right or stop the project and I would hold up his payment, we were in the middle of a 2.5 million dollar renovation project at my hotel. The honchos all looked at him when we met and asked him if that was all he called them up to the hotel for, and then told him that I was just doing my job.

 

Empathy, Psychology, body language, voice tone, and lot's of patience.

 

There's something to be said from this perspective. You do not have to be a people person to manage people. At the end of the day there are much larger issues that play into maintaining the machine.

I'm political often to a fault. As mentioned before, trying to be brutally honest without being brutal is one of my goals. There are times that I have needed to be more brutal to convey my point.

 

Finally I get a chance to reply back to my thread.

Thanks for the help everyone. I believe that I'm somewhere in the middle when it comes to the communications continuum. I'm much farther ahead today than I was just a couple of years ago, which means that I'm paying attention to the different situations, and analyzing them.

There were some really good points made and tips given, and I think simply keeping those in mind will help a great deal. I will also visit my library and see what they offer when it comes to videos on communications.

It's actually quite interesting that my favorite TV show right now is the Office. While it does provide some great entertainment, I've also been analyzing in my mind both the good and bad that Steven Carrell does, like when he greeted the new employee Keren "You look exotic, was your dad a GI"

 

I would add that you should learn as much about the people you interact with as possible.

The way you talk and the things you say to....say a Japanese client or boss can vary greatly from what you would possibly say a German client.

Two very different cultures with very different perspectives and style.

be as diverse as you can in the knowledge of your business while also being as aware of your client as possible, learn to adapt quickly and as a rule I go by, do not be the first to interact with clients/meeting attendees etc etc unless you are the point person. Being quiet and observing the atmosphere for a few minutes will help you avoid many many pitfalls (like being too buddy-buddy in what could be a hostile meeting).

I agree that experience is key and although you can prepare yourself, you will have to apply what you learn to what you experience to see what works.