The Consultant
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I was a consultant for many years, and I must now insult myself by posting this joke.
Once upon a time there was a shepherd tending his sheep at the edge of a country road.
A brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, Jovial Swiss wrist watch and a Bhs tie gets out and asks the shepherd:
"If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sprawling field of sheep and says: "Okay."
The young man parks the SUV, connects his notebook and wireless modem, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then prints a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He then turns to the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd answers: "That's correct, you can have your sheep."
The young man takes one of the animals and puts it in the back of his vehicle.
The shepherd looks at him and asks: "Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me back in kind?"
The young man answers: "Sure."
The shepherd says: "You are a consultant."
"Exactly! How did you know," asks the young man?
Very simple, answers the shepherd.
"First, you came here without being called.
Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Third, you do not understand anything about my business and I'd really like to have my dog back."
Once upon a time there was a shepherd tending his sheep at the edge of a country road.
A brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee screeches to a halt next to him. The driver, a young man dressed in a Brioni suit, Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, Jovial Swiss wrist watch and a Bhs tie gets out and asks the shepherd:
"If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the sprawling field of sheep and says: "Okay."
The young man parks the SUV, connects his notebook and wireless modem, enters a NASA site, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then prints a 150 page report on his high tech mini printer. He then turns to the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."
The shepherd answers: "That's correct, you can have your sheep."
The young man takes one of the animals and puts it in the back of his vehicle.
The shepherd looks at him and asks: "Now, if I guess your profession, will you pay me back in kind?"
The young man answers: "Sure."
The shepherd says: "You are a consultant."
"Exactly! How did you know," asks the young man?
Very simple, answers the shepherd.
"First, you came here without being called.
Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Third, you do not understand anything about my business and I'd really like to have my dog back."
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From: Austin
Unfortunately, I'm not a consultant, but I work with them every few months at work. I agree totally with this, and to think some call it a 'joke'. Some consultants are great, dont get me wrong, but I'd have to say that 99% of them out there have a breifcase fulled of business cards to get in touch with people who do know the solution(s).
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From: Sacramento - Home of da Kings!
Just because we make jokes about some profession doesn't mean they are BAD...I work in IT and I can tell you many jokes about IT but let's not 
Laugh more often and you will live longer
Laugh more often and you will live longer 
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From: Santa Monica, CA
Actually, I originally heard that joke with a blonde lady guessing (she had just dyed her hair brown), and then the farmer responded, now if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my dog back?
Jay
Jay
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Jay - you are exposing the trade secrets of consultants, and I don't appreciate it. Take the work of others, repackage it, and then bill the client as if it's original work. Oops, I have offended consultants. I am a consultant. I must now delete my own post.
Jay - I hope you understand this is all in good fun. Regarding attorneys, some of the smartest people I know are attorneys. Some the nicest people I know are attorneys. And all that I know, without exception, enjoy a good lawyer joke. As for consultants, that's another story for another post...
Jay - I hope you understand this is all in good fun. Regarding attorneys, some of the smartest people I know are attorneys. Some the nicest people I know are attorneys. And all that I know, without exception, enjoy a good lawyer joke. As for consultants, that's another story for another post...
