i have a problem that is developing...

I have a best friend, a female, lets call her Jane, *as in jane doe*

i have known her for 3 years, and from the beginning, i had always liked her. i wanted to date her at first but couldn't cause she had a BF. well, when she broke up with him, i didn't want to date her cause i started liking the situation we were in and didn't want to ruin the relationship.

about 1 year after meeting her, i invited her to my company's christmas party, and during the party, she acted like we were together, holding hands, body contact..etc... we have always been been very flirty with each other. While, we were walking around, and talking, she asked me, have you every like me. I said yes, i like you. and she said.. no.. have you ever liked me liked me. and stupid me, i was caught off guards and i said no, i only like you as a friend.

A few years have gone, she is with another guy now, and she is thinking about breaking things off with him. They been dating for 1.5 years. She said he is starting to develop a personality that she wasn't aware of but something he said he always had but didn't show. In his words, asshole personality. anyways, she is also starting to think about this other guy.

Now my problem is, i was completely happy with our relationship because i knew she was with someone, so i didn't have to worry about my feelings cause i would never act on them if she was with someone. But now that i know she is on the fence, i don't want to lose her.

For the past few weeks, i been "wishing" that she broke up with her BF, and now that it has happened, i don't know what to do.

Should i confess my undying love for her, and risk our relationship going bad if she doesn't like me like that anymore? HELP!!!!!!...

she asked me what she should do with her current situation and i said stay with her BF. or stay single.... she just called me and said that i was right, that she should stay single for a while...

so come on guys... where is the love doctor!!! i need help!!!!

 

Go out somewhere casual, like a coffeehouse or something, where you can talk (read: not too loud). Tell her that you know she needs time to get over the old b/f, but when she is ready and if she is interested, you'd like to know if she would like to go out to dinner with you or something, that you were a fool to turn her down at that Christmas party! Make it clear that if she doesn't feel the same way, you don't want things to change between you as friends.

If this approach takes more gumption than you can muster (understandable), take the alcohol approach! Have a few drinks, LEAVE THE BAR and go for a walk or something, then tell her.

Whatever you do, just tell her! She might have felt the same way all this time, but you'll never know until you tell her your side!

 

Go with Sondra's advice...especially the alcohol part. j/k Well, sort of.

But definitely tell her how you feel or it's going to eat away at you and you're going to be posting more and more on what to do with this situation on s2ki.com

 

i don't know. what i've learned is that with someone that special, there's always a perfect moment where everything comes together and all the signs are pointing your way. and in that moment when that special one opens up to you and gives you the perfect opportunity to make all the patience, all the caring, all the emotion worth it, you manage to screw it up.

after that, it's hope hope and HOPE that a moment nearly as perfect comes along again. in your case, maybe that second chance is near. i haven't been so lucky, and there are so many times i think about how retarded i can be. there's no one moment in time i would rather go back to change than the chance that i screwed up.

if this is what you REALLY want, do it right. how you will go about doing this?.... lol that's the part that no one can honestly help you with. you know her better than anyone here. think of a place that matters to the both of you and take her there. don't make it into an emotional tidal wave when you're there. let the place and time and everything dictate the way things go. if it doesn't feel like the right time, better to wait than to try to make things perfect.

but with things like this, i think things always work out for the best whether you see it now or not. best wishes.

 

wow... i am so surprised that i didn't think of saying how i was a fool so saying what i did during the christmas party...

thanks sondra...

yeah, no perfect time in anything... i guess it is just one of those "kodak moment" things...

 

I read somewhere that "love is friendship on fire". I can't imagine a better intimate relationship to have than one that is with a best friend of the opposite sex. It sounds like you are totally captivated by "Jane Doe". I know this much about relationships: If you don't explore the dept of your feelings for this woman and allow her to respond in kind, you will be haunted by the lost possibilities for the rest of your life. Tell her how you feel. Take the chance that it might not work out and you loose her. One thing is certain - eventually you will loose her if you don't.

 

Very sound advice Sondra & Ravenwerk! Take a chance...you'll never find out unless you try!

 

A same exact situation has/is happening to me as well. I've known this girl for a LONG time, about 10 years, since I was 18. We kinda grew up together. I never really looked at her more than a friend and eventually we became best friends. She was my "girl best friend". Things happened and we lost touch for a while, but were still talking every so often. She was always very attractive to me, but I never thought that anything would come of it, and I enjoyed our best friend relationship as it was.

Then three years ago, she came back into my life, in a big way. One day, she asked me if I ever had more than just friendship feelings for her... I told her yes. I told her that I was in love with her and she expressed the same feelings. Things were good but after about a year and a half, things went south (money issues), and we mutually agreed to break it off.

We still kept in touch, although I rarely saw her... until recently. Some bad stuff happened in my personal life, and I sought her out again, she was there for me immediately. And now we've decided to renew our relationship again and give things a try a second time around and honestly, I haven't been this happy for a very long time.

I can tell you from my own personal experiences that no relationship can be better or more intimate than that with your best friend of the opposite sex. It's so gratifying to have complete trust and faith in the other person. It's so awesome to have someone support you through all the good and bad times, no matter what. She is the one person that I would blindly trust my life to her hands.

Wait for the right time again and just tell her. You will know when that perfect moment is. Don't rush it or force it, but don't hestitate when the moment arrives either. Best of luck.

 

I hope you didn't take that offensively, it just seems like a great way to refer back to that original conversation so long ago!

I'm just telling you guys how I'd want it done were it me in her shoes! I have a hot friend I've known for years, and if he had said those things to me, I'd have melted on the spot!

 

Take the risk, or you will forever wonder what could have been. Trust me, life is too short.