Since a lot of you help the guys out with the girl problems. Maybe you could all be so kind to help a girl out with guy problems?

I dated this guy in high school...things didn't work, seem to much of a bad boy to continue on the relationship so we parted ways.

We'll 2 days before Christmas I bumped into him at a pool hall. He asked me how things were and how I was doing..(he mentioned that he had saw me around in the S) I was surprised that he mentioned that seeing how a lot of people don't know I drive one. Anyway he came up to me gave me his number and said he wanted to take me out some time. I said I was dating someone but nothing serious.

So I called. He was happy we went for drinks and talked. Had a great conversation and seemed like it went really well.

So he wanted to see me again. Ok, so we went to the movies, we went with his friend too. It was snowing like crazy and we even got to do donuts in the parking lot, that was great.

Everything was going good met the parents (they took to me well, he was really happy that he's mom finally like someone he brought home) I even told him that I didn't want to see him everynight but he insisted so I went along. ( it was all up to him for the most part)

So couple of weeks later we go for a drive. Says he loves hanging out with me, doesn't want to see anyone else, there was something about me that he liked a lot. He even wonder why it didn't work before. I got nothing but great comments. But he wanted to go slow and not mess things up. Wanted to be friends before anything else. He even said that he wouldn't not what to do if he every lost my friendship.

So here I stand this week. Monday was my birthday I turned 24 (ouch) I was feeling old. (I know its not that old) So he wanted to take me to dinner. ( All I really wanted to do was get a pizza watch movies and just be with him) But he canceled at the last minute saying he had to work really late. So I said ok no problem. I went out with my guy friends. Then Tuesday he call's saying he might have lost his job and doesn't have time to hang out because he wants to work his second job for money. Left me to long voice mails that day saying he would make it up to me and all kinds of stuff.

Its Thursday I didn't call him yesterday. He never called me. I called him today seeing if everything was ok and if he was doing well and if he still wanted to be friends?

Now I don't know what to do. Hasn't called back!!!

 

Miranda - Sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too. If he REALLY wanted to work at this and then he would be there. Guys will ALWAYS give positive comments when you meet them. Especially after not seeing 'em for a long time. I know. I'm a guy. I've done it. Both to be friendly and to "get what I want", you know what I mean?

If I were you, I wouldn't take it so seriously, at least not this early in the re-unification. I'd continue to go out and do what I was doing before he came back into your life. Whatever you do, let him work to get with you, you know what I mean? If he knows that he has you wrapped around his finger, it's more likely that he'll just take you for a ride.


Just my 2 cents.

 

Thank you so much for your reply.. that is what I needed...some one out of the loop to tell me. My parents tell me things and it just gets me no were..and all my guy friends just want to go and brake his legs. Thank you for taking the time to read.

 

Sorry redbullit, but it looks like he's found something more interesting or is just trying to bail all together. Not man enough to just tell you that it's not going to happen but at least he's not going to abuse you like a parasite would. I take it from your post that you're "reunion" has been for a short time. If so then it's pretty hard to imagine going from "desperately needing your friendship" to not returning your calls. By all means give him the benefit of the doubt until he has his say. Extenuating circumstances can always affect appearances but I would have serious reservations about his sudden cryptic actions.

 

It sounds like the decrease in his level of attention/affection towards you was caused by the possibility of losing his job. It's a new stress he has to deal with and he's probably internalizing it and coping by withdrawing. He also might just be busy trying to keep his old job or working the second one. It's possible that he's just using it as an excuse, but that's not the impression I got from your descrition. I'd say wait and see what happens. Go out and have fun, give it a few more days.

 

Girls prospective time!

Red Bullet... I am not asking you just saying something.. DON'T GIVE ME THE ANSWER OK!?

Did you do something with this guy? Cause sometimes guys get what they want and move on to their next project. This sucks and HURTS! You think you are starting to dig the guy and possibly are like getting all into them. But then that something is done and they find an excuse or do something in order to either not see you or pull you away from them. Guys are like this, some girls too! They conquer and they leave. This guy was intrigued to see you all over again from high school, and especially since u were seeing someone at the time he got even MORE intrigued. It hurts more so because feelings where begining and now you think "What did I do?" Girl just take it in stride and move on, if he wants you.. he'll be back (they all come back!). One door closes... another one OPENS!............

 

Here is a different perspective that isn't meant to be mean, so please don't take it that way.

Perhaps he got excited to see you that first night. You looked all good, drive a nice car and it had been a while for him. Maybe he went into it with the best intentions. He could have been thinking, "Damn, why did I give this up?"

But, after spending some time with you he remembered many of the reasons you two were apart in the first place. The things that bugged him about you as a couple resurfaced and pushed him away.

It sounds like he is about your age. Guys at that point in their life tend to act out of instinct rather than logic and experience. He went with what he felt and after a few dates those warm feelings were replaced with feelings brought on by memories of a failed first try.

ORRRR, he felt like you broke it off the first time and he wanted to see if he could get you back. He decided he could, and broke it off this time himself. Result=manhood regained.

 

Hmmm......let me get this straight, you are 24, have a bad ass car and seem pretty cool. I wouldn't really be worried if I was you. I know that sounds shallow, but in all honesty, I've found that it's good to keep your attitude light at the beginning of relationships. What tends to happen is that if you move too fast and don't think clearly, you don't really get to know the person you are dating. Rather you let yourself get so caught up in the "newness" of the whole thing and get yourself further into a relationship that may not be good for you. I know it's easier said then done, but just go with the flow in some sense and be a little cautious now that he has shown that he may not be ready for a full-time commitment, which doesn't have to be as bad as you ladies always make it sound. I know I gave up a lot to start my career and while I do think about the things I might have missed out on, I also look around and see many options that I have now that I otherwise wouldn't have. He may just need some time to get some other pieces of his life back together, which in the long run (if you end up together) will benefit both of you. At least he is responsible enough to realize that losing your job is a big deal (there's always a silver lining).

Hope all goes well,
Rice

 

I appreciate all the great advice..and will use it very wisely!!! You are all great people..I think its tough on me now because I let my guard down and was so happy to be with him. I should have thought about things a little more. He just seem so interested and then it was like hitting a brick wall.

Hopefully we can still be friends maybe down the road? who knows. I just wanted the best for both of us. I was hoping that he wasn't hurt and didn't lose his job. But I guess I will not know for a while. I leave things up to him. I called him yesterday and left a message with him..said hope things were all right with him, his family, and his job. And maybe we could still befriends. So I left it up to him.

I am hoping I did the right thing. But I will not call anymore, it is up to him.

Thanks again for all the advice. It really is helping me feel better. I am sure I will feel a lot better when the weather gets nice and I can take my baby out for a fast drive

 

You did the right thing expressing concern for his well being. But now the best thing to do is get busy doing stuff that you enjoy. He'll call when and if he's ready and if he doesn't, he's not the right guy for you anyway. But keep in mind that it takes guys longer to sort out their feelings. One of my best friends' ex-boyfriend needed 7 months of not talking and not seeing each other after their 3 year relationship to figure out he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her - by that time, she'd already gotten over him! Go figure.