Free Form Theorization Contest Results

HONORABLE MENTION (Subject: Linguistics)
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.
If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When
a Bostonian "pahks his cah," the lost R's migrates
southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and
invest in "erl" wells.

4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory)
If an infinite number of hillbillies riding
in an infinite number of pickup trucks
fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds
at an infinite number of highway signs,
they will eventually produce all the
world's great literary works in Braille.

3rd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Bio-Mechanics)
Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on
your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums
unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they then yawn to
even it out.

2nd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Symbolic Logic)
Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they
have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate
technical ideas at a faster rate. KWIM?

1st RUNNER-UP (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics)
The earth may spin faster on its
axis due to deforestation.
Just as a figure skater's
rate of spin increases when
the arms are brought in
close to the body, the cut-
ting of tall trees may cause
our planet to spin dangerously
fast.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER (Subject: Perpetual Motion)
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on
its feet, and when toast is dropped, it
always lands with its buttered side down.
It was proposed to strap giant slabs of
hot buttered toast to the backs of a
hundred tethered cats; the two opposing
forces will cause the cats to hover,
spinning inches above the ground. Using
the giant buttered toast/cat array, a
high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.



Great minds at work, huh?

 

huh?!?