These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. Sam Snead

I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool. George Brett

Actually, the only time I ever took out a oneiron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. Jim Murray

The only sure rule in golf is "He who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." Mickey Mantle

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. Kevin Costner

I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three footers for par. Chi Chi Rodriguez

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. Chi Chi Rodriguez

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. Brian Weis

Swing hard in case you hit it. Dan Marino

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. Lord Robertson

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Jack Benny

There is no similarity between golf and putting. They are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. Ben Hogan

Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best. Jack Nicklaus

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. H G Wells

I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
~ Billy Graham

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. Bob Hope

While playing golf today I hit two good balls when I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. Lee Trevino

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. Lee Trevino

 

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