i have know this kid since we started going to the same baby sitter after our moms went back to work. the past few years has began drinking heavily (we are 22). Nothing too serious, just getting retarted too often.

we recently went to europe and on one occasion he woke up with scrapes on knees and elbows (and a toilet bowl cleaner ..no lie) and no recollection of events. on another, i watched him as he got taken out of a bar by security guards for being too obnoxious.

a couple nights ago we go out at a local place and by the time i get there, he is already drunk...and drinking hard liquor..we were supposed to chill and have a few beers. he is yelling, cursing, and being "drunk rude"...saying how his behavior does not matter because he has an open tab and they know that bla bla bla. i asked him how his mother was (in the tone indicating that i was interested sexually..as i always joke with him).
he then responds with '''great! how is your aunt maury?!" his tone was mean, sarcastic, and malicious. my aunt just died two days ago from lung cancer...and he knew this

i left him at the bar with two other people he knew. he maintains he has no recollection of these events and offers the information that he accused his other two friends of stealing his money...he did not remember this either, they told him

he also mentioned that he is now on effexor for depression....did not know this was an issue.

anyway, what do you think i should do...hes gonna end up in serious trouble soon, i feel


thanks

andrew

 

I think you're pretty much going to have to commit to doing whatever it is that you want him to do, for example quit drinking altogether around him, and never have him be aware of times that you drive heavily.

Many people get defensive about this sort of thing when confronted and will shut out the person who brought it up.

Best way to get somewhere they don't want to go, or don't know they need to go, is to lead them there and let them follow you.

 

Sounds like an old buddy of mine. I couldn't stop him but I did stop going out on the town with him. He nearly died from cirrhosis of the liver, and at least two DUI's, before he cleaned up.

Your friend has to want to address his problem. Meanwhile just don't help him get blitzed. He's young enough to ask, do his parents know about his problem?

 

no clue. they dont know about his meds and they dont know that he has a drinking problem.

 

Let him do what he wants, he'll have to learn the hard way. If he was really your friend, he would never put you in the position to feel uncomfortable. He needs to man the **** up.

 

If you really care about his well-being, you may have to do something he wouldn't want you to do for his own good - dime him out to his family.

Do you know his family personally? Even if you don't, although it would be less awkward for you if you did, I would contact them directly and express you're concern. He might get pissed at you, but if his loved ones intervene and get him to turn his habits around, he will be forever grateful. He's lucky he hasn't made a mistake that put his or someone else's life in jeopardy thus far.

If you care about him as a friend, I would involve his loved ones before he gets shot, dies of alcohol poisioning, or wraps himself or someone else around a tree.

 

I had a buddy and when we were around 20yrs old we got mixed up in some drugs.
I was able to handle it a bit better than him, saw how fuched he was getting and realized I was doing pretty much the same. He ended up in Jail, car impounded then sold, he ****ed up things with his girl, it was pretty bad. I distanced myself to get myself right first. I then went to his dad who was a cool guy and explained the situation to him (his Mom was a crazy woman, which probably contributed to his condition, but anyway). He hated me for the next 3 years. It was probably the hardest thing I had to do up until then in my life, but his dad knew how to handle it. I'm proud to say that he is still alive today and we are still friends. He even came to me a few years back and thanked me. I got kinda choked up and he realized how hard it was for me to do that. I'm not saying that I'm the reason he is still alive or taking credit for any of it since I was there with him making those poor decisions . But if you really care you should at least let him know that you care.

 

You never stated he was your friend....

I would pass on the information you know to others around him that may be able to watch him if he shows signs of suicide or binge drinking.

If he is a true alcoholic, it will take more than just you, however you can inform the people he's closest to that can give him options to recovery.

 

I think you should level with him. I bet he knows there is a problem, but just is afraid to address it. Tell him to talk to his doctor. Lots of anti-depressants cause you to drink more, because they actually lower your inhibitions.

Being so young and drinking so much doesn't mean you are necessarily an "alcoholic"... it might just be a bad behavioral pattern. I went through lots of times when I was in college where I'd blackout a few nights a week. When I realized that wasn't what I wanted to do anymore, I had no problem going back to light, casual drinking. If he can't do this, then I suggest you support him and volunteer to attend an AA meeting with him.

I can't stress enough, he NEEDS to inform the doctor giving him the RX that he has a drinking issue at the very least.

 

I don't have the best advice for you. The only thing is, just be a friend and try what you can.

BTW anti-depressants + alcohol = bad