Ok so the wife and I are old and decide to try for kids. Should be no problem but we are both almost 40 so lets compare female eggs to a jar of Orville Redenbacher, the kernels get old and some just don't pop anymore.

So we have to go to a fertility guy to get a bunch of octo-mom drugs and the like but first they tell me "Mr Vader, we need you to fill a cup with some knuckle children and test em out." craptacular! I think they have this microscopic obstacle course or something they need to put em through.

Anywho.....I make an appointment and arrive a few days later to be led to the cup filling room. "Fill the cup and put it through the little window," says the sperm testing lady. So that process goes by and then you take the "walk of shame" back to the front desk. Let's call that humiliation.

Once you get to the front desk, here comes insult to injury, "That'll be $100." Holy crap that's one expensive cup. Lets call that the expense part of the story.

So the results come back and both the doctor and the sperm lady are incredulous. Whatever the numbers are, they rock the freaking charts. My boys swim like Micheal Phelps. Gold medal swimmers. Whatever range they measure for quality, I am 96th percentile. Pride man, pride. The family jewels aint no cubic ziconia.

You're welcome for that story by the way.

 

The remittance of $100 is frankly the topper for me.

Regardless, congratulations on the first milestone.

 

Should have taken a free sample from home.

Good Luck in your quest for a family.

 

Yeah that was really a tough one. Never in your life does it occur to you that this is something you will someday pay $100 for.


I was never worried about flunking the test, its always the women that flunk. Guys like Tony Randall and Larry King are knocking up chicks into their 80's. Sorry ladies, you drew the short straw on reproductive longevity. Thats why men feel no biological clock ticking, we can hit the snooze button until we are 100 and still deliver.

 

wow, $100 to jerk off.

so what material did they have to get you in the mood?

 

Think of it this way...with all the pleasure its provided you over the last xx years, $100 is a steal.

 

For $100 you better have received some hot nurse's assistance.

 

$100 amortized over 28-29 years - miniscule

$100 amortized over 5 minutes (depending on your spank bank) - highway robbery

 

you mean like the kind Stifler got?

 

maybe your wife has a hostile uterus.