I just wanna shoot Haley
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 4,766
Likes: 8
From: Queens, NY
I just wanna shoot Haley
This article from Yahoo makes me wanna shoot the bitch. Does a man’s salary matter?
These days, women are about as likely to bring home the bacon as their male counterparts. But has this affected what kind of guy women want to date — is the size of a man’s salary still a critical element?
To get the answer, we gathered together a group of men, women and relationship experts to talk about this controversial topic — and get some advice on how to handle the situation whether you’re a male or female, flush with cash or just getting by.
Participating in our roundtable:
Jillian Straus, author of Unhooked Generation: The Truth About Why We’re Still Single
Liz Kelly, author of Smart Man Hunting: A Fast-Track Dating Guide for Finding Mr. Right
Jen, 25, legal recruiter, New York
Haley, 32, public relations director, California
Rebecca, 30, writer, Kansas
Sebastian, 30, consultant and founder of a non-profit, New York
Dann, 30, TV news producer, New York
Q: Even in a day when women often out-earn men, do they still prefer to date a guy with a sizable paycheck?
Jillian Straus: I’m often astonished to overhear conversations at restaurants where a woman will ask her girlfriend, “Does he make money?” Women often want a more successful man, even if they’re successful themselves — one study found that successful women want to be with a successful man even more so than their less successful counterparts.
Dann: There are definitely a lot of women who keep an eye on the man’s wallet. That’s why you see some women perk up when a man says he’s a doctor or a lawyer. And if he’s a hot doctor or lawyer, forget about it!
Haley: It’s not that I couldn’t fall in love with someone who made less money than I do, but it would be difficult. I want to settle down with someone who can take care of me and support a family.
Rebecca: Money has never been a consideration for me. Can someone make me happy, make me laugh, and carry on an intellectually stimulating conversation? I think about those things first and money much, much later.
Q: So why do some women still think the size of a man’s salary is still important, even if they’re making money themselves?
Jillian Straus: We are psychologically living between today, which is the modern world, and what we saw growing up, which influenced how we define the roles and behaviors of “man” and “woman.” And in some cases, women want the choice of whether or not to stay home and raise children. In other cases, women don’t mind earning more money, but think the men they’re with would feel diminished by that. I heard one story where a woman was making more than her guy, and the day she came home with a Porsche was the day the relationship was over.
Liz Kelly: For a woman who’s on a limited budget and feels strapped, it’s scary to take on someone who’s making significantly less money. That pressure can create an imbalance in the relationship which can make people — both men and women — feel uncomfortable.
Haley: My current boyfriend pays for everything and I think I make more than he does, but I like it that way because it feels romantic, caring and chivalrous. Dating a man without money is really tough because you end up paying for everything and that wears on you after awhile.
Q: The upsides to dating a man with money are pretty obvious — but are there any downsides?
Jillian Strauss: There’s an old saying that goes, “If you marry for money, you earn every penny.”
Jen: I’ve dated men with money and without and have often found that guys with money have an overwhelming sense of entitlement. You’re never that special to them because they think they can get any woman they want. Now I’m trying to find someone in the middle: Someone with a decent income but who is a nice guy.
Q: So what do men think about women who consider money to be a priority?
Sebastian: I once met a woman who seemed more interested in my sports car than in me. Even so, in my mind there’s nothing wrong with wanting to live well.
Dann: I don’t think it’s any worse than men pursuing only women who are really physically attractive. But I do think anyone who does that is shallow. That said, it’s frustrating not having a lot of money because it means that you can’t do nice things to impress someone you love. You need to be resourceful — bargain hunt for good gifts or plan a date around renting a movie.
Liz Kelly: Lots of guys with money will complain to me that they don’t want to always pay for dates because they want to make sure that the woman is with them for who they are, not for how much they earn. But I agree with Dann: It’s the romance and chivalry that women want — not the free meal.
Q: So what should a man do if he doesn’t make much money?
Rebecca: I don’t feel like I need my boyfriend to spend a lot of money on me to show me that he loves me. He does that in a million little ways, like always filling my car with gas or leaving me cute little notes around the house.
Liz Kelly: Guys without money to burn need to work a little harder, that’s all. Small gestures, like burning a CD of your favorite music, go a long way towards making a woman feel special. Guys should also pay for dates early on. Career women are happy to pick up the tab when dating someone seriously, but in the early stages of dating, the guy should get the tab. It sets the stage for building a stronger relationship.
Jillian Straus: I agree that there’s still value in symbolic gestures, like being taken out to a nice dinner. It doesn’t mean that I’m not a modern woman, it’s just that I really value the symbolic exchange — it makes a woman feel adored.
Jen: Even if you have a lot of money, you still need to be romantic. If all you do is flash your money around, you’ll only attract opportunists.
Q: Any advice for women?
Dann: In general, a woman should ignore finances and pick the guy who makes her laugh. All the money in the world won’t matter if sitting across the dinner table from this guy night after night bores you to tears.
These days, women are about as likely to bring home the bacon as their male counterparts. But has this affected what kind of guy women want to date — is the size of a man’s salary still a critical element?
To get the answer, we gathered together a group of men, women and relationship experts to talk about this controversial topic — and get some advice on how to handle the situation whether you’re a male or female, flush with cash or just getting by.
Participating in our roundtable:
Jillian Straus, author of Unhooked Generation: The Truth About Why We’re Still Single
Liz Kelly, author of Smart Man Hunting: A Fast-Track Dating Guide for Finding Mr. Right
Jen, 25, legal recruiter, New York
Haley, 32, public relations director, California
Rebecca, 30, writer, Kansas
Sebastian, 30, consultant and founder of a non-profit, New York
Dann, 30, TV news producer, New York
Q: Even in a day when women often out-earn men, do they still prefer to date a guy with a sizable paycheck?
Jillian Straus: I’m often astonished to overhear conversations at restaurants where a woman will ask her girlfriend, “Does he make money?” Women often want a more successful man, even if they’re successful themselves — one study found that successful women want to be with a successful man even more so than their less successful counterparts.
Dann: There are definitely a lot of women who keep an eye on the man’s wallet. That’s why you see some women perk up when a man says he’s a doctor or a lawyer. And if he’s a hot doctor or lawyer, forget about it!
Haley: It’s not that I couldn’t fall in love with someone who made less money than I do, but it would be difficult. I want to settle down with someone who can take care of me and support a family.
Rebecca: Money has never been a consideration for me. Can someone make me happy, make me laugh, and carry on an intellectually stimulating conversation? I think about those things first and money much, much later.
Q: So why do some women still think the size of a man’s salary is still important, even if they’re making money themselves?
Jillian Straus: We are psychologically living between today, which is the modern world, and what we saw growing up, which influenced how we define the roles and behaviors of “man” and “woman.” And in some cases, women want the choice of whether or not to stay home and raise children. In other cases, women don’t mind earning more money, but think the men they’re with would feel diminished by that. I heard one story where a woman was making more than her guy, and the day she came home with a Porsche was the day the relationship was over.
Liz Kelly: For a woman who’s on a limited budget and feels strapped, it’s scary to take on someone who’s making significantly less money. That pressure can create an imbalance in the relationship which can make people — both men and women — feel uncomfortable.
Haley: My current boyfriend pays for everything and I think I make more than he does, but I like it that way because it feels romantic, caring and chivalrous. Dating a man without money is really tough because you end up paying for everything and that wears on you after awhile.
Q: The upsides to dating a man with money are pretty obvious — but are there any downsides?
Jillian Strauss: There’s an old saying that goes, “If you marry for money, you earn every penny.”
Jen: I’ve dated men with money and without and have often found that guys with money have an overwhelming sense of entitlement. You’re never that special to them because they think they can get any woman they want. Now I’m trying to find someone in the middle: Someone with a decent income but who is a nice guy.
Q: So what do men think about women who consider money to be a priority?
Sebastian: I once met a woman who seemed more interested in my sports car than in me. Even so, in my mind there’s nothing wrong with wanting to live well.
Dann: I don’t think it’s any worse than men pursuing only women who are really physically attractive. But I do think anyone who does that is shallow. That said, it’s frustrating not having a lot of money because it means that you can’t do nice things to impress someone you love. You need to be resourceful — bargain hunt for good gifts or plan a date around renting a movie.
Liz Kelly: Lots of guys with money will complain to me that they don’t want to always pay for dates because they want to make sure that the woman is with them for who they are, not for how much they earn. But I agree with Dann: It’s the romance and chivalry that women want — not the free meal.
Q: So what should a man do if he doesn’t make much money?
Rebecca: I don’t feel like I need my boyfriend to spend a lot of money on me to show me that he loves me. He does that in a million little ways, like always filling my car with gas or leaving me cute little notes around the house.
Liz Kelly: Guys without money to burn need to work a little harder, that’s all. Small gestures, like burning a CD of your favorite music, go a long way towards making a woman feel special. Guys should also pay for dates early on. Career women are happy to pick up the tab when dating someone seriously, but in the early stages of dating, the guy should get the tab. It sets the stage for building a stronger relationship.
Jillian Straus: I agree that there’s still value in symbolic gestures, like being taken out to a nice dinner. It doesn’t mean that I’m not a modern woman, it’s just that I really value the symbolic exchange — it makes a woman feel adored.
Jen: Even if you have a lot of money, you still need to be romantic. If all you do is flash your money around, you’ll only attract opportunists.
Q: Any advice for women?
Dann: In general, a woman should ignore finances and pick the guy who makes her laugh. All the money in the world won’t matter if sitting across the dinner table from this guy night after night bores you to tears.
Registered User
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 690
Likes: 0
From: Long Beach
Originally Posted by WarrenW,Aug 20 2010, 08:13 PM
Q: Any advice for women?
Dann: In general, a woman should ignore finances and pick the guy who makes her laugh. All the money in the world won’t matter if sitting across the dinner table from this guy night after night bores you to tears.
Registered User
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,771
Likes: 2
It's just as easy to fall in love with a girl/guy WITH money as W/O so why not make your life that much better by looking for a mate where there are people who you can love and who can also make your life more comfortable.
Money might not be able to buy love, but lack of money is the root of a huge percentage of the divorces!
No one wants a LOSER and money is one of the signs of someone who cares.
With that said, if my wife thought she was marrying for my money way back when she was severely disappointed. Back then all I had was potential!
Money might not be able to buy love, but lack of money is the root of a huge percentage of the divorces!
No one wants a LOSER and money is one of the signs of someone who cares.
With that said, if my wife thought she was marrying for my money way back when she was severely disappointed. Back then all I had was potential!
Registered User
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,220
Likes: 0
Some people care about money, some people do not.
I've been with someone who cared a lot about money, and won't do it again. I made significantly more money than she did, paid for everything, paid hundreds of dollars more on our rent, and she still obsessed over whether I was paying my "fair share" of the costs of living.
People who are overly concerned with how much money their "partner" has tend to treat them like a convenient business partner. There is no deeper connection than a bank account or billing address.
The idea that there are plenty of people out there so you might as well "love" someone who can make life comfortable is bankrupt. You are making a mating decision based on financials rather than personality. Look forward to a painful divorce. People don't get divorced because they are poor. Money issues trigger separations as people realize they fundamentally don't get along with this other person once the financial situation is changed.
I've been with someone who cared a lot about money, and won't do it again. I made significantly more money than she did, paid for everything, paid hundreds of dollars more on our rent, and she still obsessed over whether I was paying my "fair share" of the costs of living.
People who are overly concerned with how much money their "partner" has tend to treat them like a convenient business partner. There is no deeper connection than a bank account or billing address.
The idea that there are plenty of people out there so you might as well "love" someone who can make life comfortable is bankrupt. You are making a mating decision based on financials rather than personality. Look forward to a painful divorce. People don't get divorced because they are poor. Money issues trigger separations as people realize they fundamentally don't get along with this other person once the financial situation is changed.
Trending Topics
Registered User
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,771
Likes: 2
Not shallow, realistic. Plus I have the advantage of having the time to live thru it and seeing what happened to all my friends.
With age doesn't come wisdom but instead comes experience. I'll take the experience over wisdom any day.
With age doesn't come wisdom but instead comes experience. I'll take the experience over wisdom any day.
Former Moderator
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 14,729
Likes: 8
Dunno. Been with my wife for over 12 years. We stood by each other when she had money and I didn't, then when I had money and she didn't. Now we have lots of money together and I wouldn't trade her for anything or anyone.
Registered User
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 293
Likes: 0
Call me a cynic but I think women are wired to be "gold diggers" as they say. They want to look for someone who can provide for them and their children. And like someone else said, it's not like they can't just go and cheat. I remember reading about how once the financial situation are secured, women cheat with a better looking man to pass on to her children. After that, the husband will raise kids that's not even his!
There was other stuff about how a woman will fake orgasms with their husbands so that the husband doesnt become suspicious. It goes as far as to claim that because women have better control of their orgasms, they can selectively decide whose sperm to let in as orgasm increases the probability of fertility.
There was other stuff about how a woman will fake orgasms with their husbands so that the husband doesnt become suspicious. It goes as far as to claim that because women have better control of their orgasms, they can selectively decide whose sperm to let in as orgasm increases the probability of fertility.