The Male Commandments
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From: Palo Alto
The Male Commandments
The Male Commandments
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1. Thou shalt not rent Sleepless in Seattle.
2. When on a fishing trip with the guys, never, no matter how sunburned
you and your buddies may be....is it EVER appropriate to rub sunscreen
on each other's backs.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
you on
it. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration
rate rises to 400%).
5. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late: five minutes. Maximum waiting time: SIX minutes. For a
girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness
she
scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
8. Things that you can always cheat on: your taxes, the SAT's and your
resume. Things you can never cheat on: golf, darts, poker.
9. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not
the weakest.
10. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
11. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
pick
a Buffalo wing clean.
12. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail
out a friend within 12 hours.
13. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your best buddy's birthday is strictly
optional.
14. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a
girlfriend's cat, even if you secretly set it on fire and threw it into
the ceiling fan.
15. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
16. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not
appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh logo.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
always ask the score of the game in progress; but you may never ask
who's playing.
18. It is permissible to order a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless
model....and it's free.
19. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
--------------------
1. Thou shalt not rent Sleepless in Seattle.
2. When on a fishing trip with the guys, never, no matter how sunburned
you and your buddies may be....is it EVER appropriate to rub sunscreen
on each other's backs.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
you on
it. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration
rate rises to 400%).
5. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late: five minutes. Maximum waiting time: SIX minutes. For a
girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness
she
scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
8. Things that you can always cheat on: your taxes, the SAT's and your
resume. Things you can never cheat on: golf, darts, poker.
9. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines the pit stops, not
the weakest.
10. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
11. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
pick
a Buffalo wing clean.
12. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail
out a friend within 12 hours.
13. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering your best buddy's birthday is strictly
optional.
14. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a
girlfriend's cat, even if you secretly set it on fire and threw it into
the ceiling fan.
15. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking
about his choice of beer.
16. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement contract, do not
appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh logo.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may
always ask the score of the game in progress; but you may never ask
who's playing.
18. It is permissible to order a fruity chick drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless
model....and it's free.
19. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 201
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From: Jersey City
20. If you are at a bar with a ratio of customers to bar tenders greater than 5 to 1, you are limited to ordering straight shots and beer. No, your girlfriend does not need a Malibou Bay Breeze.
21. If your buddy jumps on a grenade (distracts the ugly friend so you can hook up with the hot friend), which is his duty, and then gets carried away and bonks the beast, you can never mention that, even at his bachelor party.
21. If your buddy jumps on a grenade (distracts the ugly friend so you can hook up with the hot friend), which is his duty, and then gets carried away and bonks the beast, you can never mention that, even at his bachelor party.