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here is a joke i found on 7thgencivic.com
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming
> truck and everyone inside dies. When they get to meet
> their maker, because of the grief they have experienced,
> He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter
> Heaven.
>
> They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what
> their wish is. "I want to be gorgeous." So God snaps His
> fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears
> this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap
> of His fingers and the wish is granted.
>
> This goes on for a while with each one asking to be
> gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line, the last
> guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten
> people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing
> his head off.
>
> Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his
> wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:
> "Make 'em all ugly again."
>
> So, the next time you are last in line...smile!
>
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming
> truck and everyone inside dies. When they get to meet
> their maker, because of the grief they have experienced,
> He decides to grant them one wish each before they enter
> Heaven.
>
> They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what
> their wish is. "I want to be gorgeous." So God snaps His
> fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears
> this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap
> of His fingers and the wish is granted.
>
> This goes on for a while with each one asking to be
> gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line, the last
> guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten
> people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing
> his head off.
>
> Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his
> wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:
> "Make 'em all ugly again."
>
> So, the next time you are last in line...smile!
>
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Two men are sitting next to each other in a pub. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
The first guy says, "So am I! And where about in Ireland might you be from?"
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, I went to St. Mary's, of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."
The bartender leans over to a customer and shakes his head and sighs, "It's going to be a long night tonight. The Murphy twins are drunk again!"
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
The first guy says, "So am I! And where about in Ireland might you be from?"
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, I went to St. Mary's, of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."
The bartender leans over to a customer and shakes his head and sighs, "It's going to be a long night tonight. The Murphy twins are drunk again!"
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A blonde female police officer pulled over a blonde female driver in a convertible sports car for speeding.
She walked up to the car and asked the blonde for her driver's license.
The blonde driver in the convertible searched through her purse in vain.
Finally, she asked, "What does it look like?"
"It's that thing with your picture on it." The blonde police officer told her.
The driver searched for a few more seconds, pulled out her compact, opened it, and sure enough, looked in the mirror and saw herself.
She handed the compact to the blonde cop.
After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolled her eyes and handed the compact back to the blonde driver,
"Why didn't you tell me you were a police officer! We could have avoided this whole thing!"
She walked up to the car and asked the blonde for her driver's license.
The blonde driver in the convertible searched through her purse in vain.
Finally, she asked, "What does it look like?"
"It's that thing with your picture on it." The blonde police officer told her.
The driver searched for a few more seconds, pulled out her compact, opened it, and sure enough, looked in the mirror and saw herself.
She handed the compact to the blonde cop.
After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolled her eyes and handed the compact back to the blonde driver,
"Why didn't you tell me you were a police officer! We could have avoided this whole thing!"
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Another Day in a Doctor's Life
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -- I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the wo! man produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair! had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
and Finally . . . A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked! up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."
Dr. wouldn't admit his name
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -- I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the wo! man produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair! had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
and Finally . . . A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked! up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."
Dr. wouldn't admit his name
