Below is an email I wrote to a local recruiter who sent me a "job opening" email after I posted my resume on Sunday. This is fairly typical of the stuff I get, but I spent about an hour going over 30+ emails from recruiters today, and I just had to take it out on her.

************************************************** *********

Hi Anna,

I'm taking the time to write to you because you seem have a local number, and I figure you're fairly close by.

I personally think that the job matching software you're forced to be using is quite useless and probably quite unfit for recruiting purposes. I have received more than 30 responses from various recruiters since I posted my resume on Sunday, and the only thing these emails have taught me is how badly ALL recruiters need to wake up and smell the coffee. I'm fairly sure you work on set margins based on numbers of jobs you find, but quite honestly I don't think you as the recruiter is really getting to know me as a CAREER (not just a job) candidate.

I've re-attached my resume in the hopes that you will actually read it and want to get to know me because what I know and what I can do is worth millions.

I do have some questions:
How many people do you know have negotiated multi-million dollar contracts globally and closed multi-million dollar deals with the likes of Staples and Office Depot?

How many people do you know can stand up to Walmart's bully purchasing tactics, walk away from the negotiation table, and exchange harsh words with Walmart's buyers and VPs, only to have them realize they were wrong (a year later, of course) and return to the table?

How many people do you know have intimate knowledge of China's manufacturing environment and have trained a generation of Chinese professional marketing and sales staff other factories' managers stand outside the gate after working hours to try and bribe away?

How many people do you know have led a company from bottom of the barrel to number 2 in the WORLD in product shipment volume for a product line within 2 years?

How many people do you know can manage not only marketing and sales but also act as chief product officer overseeing all product development at the same time? Not only that, but breaking the language and cultural barriers in helping the engineers and local staff on the other side of this planet UNDERSTAND what Americans, Japanese, and Europeans really are looking for.

I'm usually not so brash in writing, but after reading through over 30 emails (yours was one of the last), I was quite frustrated to see emails saying I am qualified to:

sell insurance
sell coffins and funeral services
sell cell phones and cell phone plans
sell financial services like 401K and mutual funds
drive a bus
be a plumber
sell more insurance
sell medical equipment
fix other people's computers
pay to be listed on MORE useless job/recruiter's database

I should be the DREAM candidate for any recruiter or head hunter (if your bonus depends on the compensation I command), yet I see no evidence whatsoever of people actually reading my resume or even trying to know me remotely.

***************************************

End of my rant for today

 

Mingster - want a job selling OEM oil and gas equipment? We need to sell another $35M in sales (per year) by 2008.

 

Sounds interesting!

 

If Anna actually reads that she'll cream her panties and be on the phone to you in a hurry.

Hmm, maybe I should give you a call. I might have an idea for you.