hello all,

here's the background. im a software engineer who recently got married and recently relocated for his wife. i used to live in folsom, ca but moved up to seattle because my fiance (now wife) didn't want to move to folsom. also, both our parents live in the area and we both grew up in seattle, so it made sense. we bought a home, got married, and that's how it is now.

i have an opportunity to move to the bay area now, different job but same company. my wife would like to go to fashion school in SF should we move. now here is the decision im trying to make.

option 1 - stay put. my current manager has approved me taking courses online at Stanford U (my dream school), which could ultimately lead to me earning my MS in CS. however, staying put means my wife cannot go to fashion school. she currently really hates her job and has started applying elsewhere, however, her dream/desire is to go to fashion school and design clothing of some sort. i have no clue about that world, im just an engineer trapped in a cubicle most of his days.

option 2 - move. i'd get a 13% bump in salary to adjust for the bay area, but the cost of living is >>> than the 13% bump i'd receive. we'd go from a 2-income house to one as my wife went to fashion school. we'd likely rent the home out that we recently bought as the market stinks to sell... and be forced to rent something ourselves in the bay since its super expensive to live downt here. i wouldn't get the chance to attend Stanford (employer paid) any longer since i would be changing jobs, management, etc, and the course work i would like to do is no longer directly applicable to my job.

there seems to be a lot of emotion related with this decision between me and my wife. it'd be helpful to get a logical, neutral point of view... or even just a different point of view on this subject.

any and all opinions are greatly appreciated. thanks all for your time!

- mike

 

dont move

the only benefit is your wife can attend college, would she do good?
fashion is not like engineering, personality, drive, luck play a bigger role than engineering where you dress in a t-shirt and ride a cubicle.

 

what's your long-term goal? what do you see yourself doing and where do you want to be (in many sense) 10-20 year down the road?

 

i would hope she would do well in fashion school. she seems motivated to do well should she attend.

good question... i need to ponder over this. ideally, i'd be retired...

 

It's ultimately up to you. Would you enjoy living in the Bay Area much more than Seattle?

 

^agreed, the ultimate choice is definitely ours. i was posting in an attempt to get a different point of view with the circumstances stated, hopefully exposing aspects that i may have over looked or under emphasized.

ex. S2020's comment on 10-20 year plan. that reminded me that i have been focusing too much on the short term gains/losses. im not sure how either decision might impact our lives 10-20 years from now.

as for living in the bay... not sure. i think i'd definitely enjoy the weather more. living in CA is draining on the wallet (8+% sales tax and state income tax, general living expenses, etc)

 

With the facts given, I think the financially responsible decision for the near and long term would be to stay in Seattle and persuade her to attend a local fashion program (Art Institute?).

 

But like jah said, fashion school is nothing like a technical trade school. There is no guarantee of a job if you "do well" in fashion school. There is no direct relationship between working hard and being successful in that industry... or else the sweatshops in China would be rolling in the dough.

Just because she wants to do something, doesn't mean she'd be successful at it. There are many minor league baseball players and 3rd string football players that are very motivated, but lack the actual skills or the breaks to make it anywhere in the field.

IMHO, the "fashion school" is a BS cop out for her to spend money, have very skewed and expensive tastes, and to play all day while you're locked away in a cubby. It'll also potentially drive you apart as your worlds grow farther and farther away from each other.

Hey, by the way. I'm going to quit my job and go to acting school. Or maybe race car driver school. Want to support me?

 

Well that seems a little harsh, I think. I would hope he'd know if his wife were just looking for an excuse to enter a shallow, materialistic lifestyle.

The fact is, there MUST be a fashion school in the Seattle area that she could attend if this is her dream. When you add up all associated costs, it sounds like it is going to be VERY expensive for you to make this move. If she is serious about this and willing to do what it takes, I'd say she should be working and banking every last penny to make it happen. If she's able to save up the cost of her tuition (and then some) that will be a good indication of how badly she wants to go there.

 

^ how do you tell the wife that she probably won't succeed? thats a matter that deserves its own thread.

im just trying to be supportive of her desires, as well as my own. i tend to agree that the fashion world is too... competative,

great point about our worlds seperating more and more. that is something that never crossed my mind.